Not so bad at Math!!

When we went in on Wednesday for chemo, Sylvia checked 6 different times and concluded that they had scheduled me wrong and I actually only have one more chemo, not two!!!  I'm done on Thursday, Dec. 4th, Lord willing!! Then, two weeks after that, on the 18th, I meet again with my radiation oncologist, Dr. Merfeld.  That same day I'll see Dr. Buntinas for labs and a two week check up.

This week I also have a massage scheduled and I'm meeting with the Cancer Center social worker to start talking about life after cancer and coping strategies.  It will be a busy week of appointments.  As eager as I am to be done with chemo, I'm also nervous about it.  While I'm doing treatment, I'm actively fighting the disease.  Once the fight is over, will Agatha come back?  Will treatment have been effective with all the delays and holds?  I know I am going to have to learn to trust and rest in God's plan more than ever.  I think it could be easy to live in a state of fear and worry, and I absolutely do not want to do that.  I also know some of the side effects will take months or even years to go away.  Some of the effects might never go away completely.  Some side effects might not even show up for years.  I have learned that you are never really done with cancer.  For the rest of my life I will have to monitor for it and protect myself as much as possible.

My genetic testing should be back in the next week or so.  I'm really interested to see what it will say.
Thanksgiving yesterday was truly wonderful.  The food was good, but the conversation was absolutely amazing.  It started when I asked everyone to share something they were thankful for, but they couldn't just say family.  It was hard for me to come up with just one thing- I'm so thankful for so many things everyday.  When one is faced with one's own mortality, perhaps it becomes easier to recognize blessings.  The person who really blew me away, though, was my dad.  He talked about his faith and his walk with the Lord in a way I'd never heard before and it was so encouraging.  I've always considered my dad a man of great faith and he has always modeled a life of study and prayer.  Yesterday I got to hear him talk about that moment when his faith became truly real and he fully realized his need for the Lord.  I feel like I know my dad so much better now.  It was such a blessed conversation that meant so much to me.  The legacy of faith that parents pass to their children is so important. I hope we can do as good a job with our children as our parents have done with us.

I find myself craving these deep conversations.  I want to know people.  I want to know what is on their hearts- how they are relating to and thinking about God.  I want to talk about what I've learned and hopefully encourage others to look for what God wants to teach them.  I'm realizing how precious and sometimes short life can be, and I don't want to waste it.  I want to fill it with whatever God has planned, and I want to help others have the courage and desire to do the same.  I feel like I am finally coming up out of my pit of emptiness and am starting to be able to look toward filling others again.   I still have a lot of weepy days and I still struggle a lot with feeling good and staying awake, but spiritually my tank is filling back up.  That, I am sure, is thanks to all of you praying for me so consistently.  Thank you.  As we go through these 3 weeks or so between Thanksgiving and Christmas, remember to keep the focus on the Lord and on your family.  Forget the 'perfect' holiday experience, and go for the one that glorifies the Lord and creates fun memories for your family.  God bless you all! ;)