Sorry for the absence

Unfortunately, I spent all day yesterday at PCI and am currently enjoying the hospitality of St. Luke's. I started vomiting about 9:15 yesterday morning. I threw up about 30 times yesterday, but only 3 times so far today.  All my doctors say I am exceptional. :) They can't quite figure out the right combination to get the headache and the nausea at the same time.  Hopefully I'll continue to keep my clear liquid lunch down and might be able to go home tonight.  No one has suggested that, yet, though. :(  Prayers are appreciated!!

Finding a Fix

Today we spent over 2 hours trying to solve the problems of headache and nausea.  Sylvia, my nurse practitioner, is amazing.  We have some plans in place for the next round of chemo that will hopefully alleviate the headache.  It involves a shot every day for a week instead of just one shot the day after chemo.  I'm not thrilled about that, but if it makes the headaches better, I'm all for it.  We're also trying some different combinations of the drugs I'm already taking to see if we can keep the nausea at bay.  I was looking forward to the week of July 7th being my first appointment free week in two months.  Instead, I'll be there every single day that week. :)

We got our first bill in the mail from PCI today.  It had charges for both surgeries and the first round of chemo.  It was pretty hilarious.  There is still a lot of insurance pending.  The total of the bill was well over $16,000.  However, when I looked at the column for how much we actually owe, it was $80- the cost of a co-pay!!  I'm sure that will change in the next few weeks, but it was really hilarious to read all these exorbitant charges and then only owe $80.  The drug that has probably given me this awful headache costs $5,500 just itself.  So, I guess I'm getting my money's worth out of the headache! :)

I am very thankful that Cedar Valley has always tried very hard to provide decent insurance for us.  It's gotten a lot harder in the last few years, but they have really worked to make it affordable and as good of coverage as possible.  I've only talked to our insurance people a little bit, but I think we'll be ok.  That is definitely comforting to know.  That bill today was a real eye opener.  I'm so thankful for Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University.  Darrin and I went through the program before we were married.  His plans have allowed us to do so much and be in control of our finances.  The Lord has really used him to change a lot of lives.  If you haven't ever heard any of Dave's stuff, I highly recommend it!

Tomorrow at noon I lose my hair.  I'm so not ready for that.  On the other hand- I'm looking forward to all my cute hats and scarves.  Many women say this is the absolute worst part of cancer treatment.  I believe it!  But I also know Crystal will do everything she can to make tomorrow fun and not so scary.  And I'll save on hair products for awhile!!

I think perhaps more than anything else tomorrow's hair loss will make this journey truly real.  There will be an undeniable outward sign of this battle.  I know I'll get funny looks from little kids and maybe some awkward questions.  That doesn't bother me.  Maybe it will help people learn compassion.  I do find myself wondering more about people who have wacky haircuts.  Maybe they aren't rebels or trying to make some sort of statement.  Maybe they have cancer.  It just reminds me that everyone has something to deal with, whether it be physical or emotional.  We're all going through something and we all need grace. Maybe purple hair is a form of whistling in the dark.  A good thing to remember.

AAAAANND. . . . CRASH

I hate being right.  The crash hit about 11 this morning, as Darrin and I were driving back from storytelling in Dike.  It was bad.  Not the storytelling, that was great, as always.  The crash was bad.  It was all I could do to get upstairs and into bed.  I slept and tried not to throw up all afternoon.  Tonight I got up for some very yummy grilled chicken and quinoa, and then we managed to take a short walk around the block.  So, all in all, only about a 7 hour crash so far.

I must confess, it was discouraging.  I felt so good yesterday.  We went out and played bocci ball in the front yard and took two walks throughout the day.  I know I'm still just in the first round and figuring out how I'm going to feel each day, so I need to be patient.  I just love summer time, though, and I HATE wasting it inside sleeping.  GRRR.

Tomorrow morning I have my one week check up.  I've been keeping track of symptoms and hopefully will get some questions answered.  I can't believe it has only been a week- it seems like forever.

I know I've been saying I'll get more of my pictures from Jackee up, but I just haven't quite gotten there yet.  I lose my hair on Friday at noon.  I'm definitely not looking forward to that.  At all.  I love my short cut, but I miss my hair already.  It doesn't feel right when I wash it.  I've had long hair for a long time.  Darrin was asking me today if I've picked out which scarf or hat I'm going to wear on Friday.  I haven't yet, but I've thought about it.  I have lots of really cute ones.  I'll have to figure out my outfit and match accordingly. :)

Meanwhile, here's hoping for a less crashy day tomorrow!

Gifts

Darrin and I are taking the spiritual gifts class at church on Wednesday nights.  For this week, our homework was to do an online spiritual gifts assessment.  Not surprisingly to either of us, we scored highest on the same 4 gifts.  I know many couples who have very opposite traits, interests, and personalities and have fabulous, complementary marriages.  Darrin and I seem to have very similar traits, interests, and personalities.  We also have a fabulous marriage.  I am fascinated by how God brings people together exactly how we are supposed to be to fulfill the purpose He has for each of us as individuals and as couples.  I never in a million years would have thought my path would fall where it has.  And I never in a million years would change it.  It just proves that God knows so much better than we do what we need and when we need it.  That is why, even though I hate the idea of cancer and am truly not looking forward to the next six months, I know that it is the best thing for me.  The Lord has some great purpose in mind, and I am going to trust that He will reveal that purpose in His own good time.  It might be next week, it might be years and years from now.  But just as He has given all believers spiritual gifts, he has given me this cancer as a gift to draw me closer to Him.  And through it I am growing closer to my husband and sons, as well.  I wouldn't trade that for anything.

However, I would trade the ridiculous backache I've had all day.  :)  Other than that, it's been a pretty great day.  We started at 7:15 at Hall Perrine to meet with my radiology oncologist, Dr. Merfeld.  I like her immensely.  I won't see her again for about 5 months, but it was good to have an initial appointment and gather yet more information about this process called cancer treatment.

I got to hear Darrin's stories for this summer at the Anamosa Library today.  He has done such a great job putting together the stories of George Nissen and Arthur Collins.  The library reading theme this summer is Fizz, Bang, Read!, so he put together stories of two local boys who made history through their curiosity.  Nissen invented the trampoline, and Collins started Collins Radio, now Rockwell.  I am so proud of the amazing work Darrin has done building his storytelling business.  It is yet another blessing that he is able to be home so much with me right now, but still be providing for our family.  How amazing is our God??

The dreaded mid-cycle crash hasn't come yet, but I'm guessing it will in the next day or two.  Meanwhile, I will continue to enjoy the times I am feeling decent, and will work to not dread the times I don't.  Living in the present is becoming more and more important.  And now, bedtime is becoming pretty important, too! :)

A good day

Today was a pretty good day.  I'm feeling a little bit more normal.  We had a nice walk this morning, and that helped my energy level.  Though I did still have a 2 hour nap this afternoon!

Andy is home safe and sound from Puerto Rico.  It sounds like they had a great time serving a local church there and learning about themselves and the Lord's work in other parts of the world.  I'm so proud of him for going.  I am really glad to have him home, though it is a lot noisier all of the sudden! :)

Jackee sent us our link to the photo shoot she did for us last week.  The pictures are so much fun!  Tomorrow I will work on putting some of them up on the blog and more on FB.

We met with the exercise guy today at the Cancer Center.  He is putting together some stuff for me and I'll see him again next week.  I'm excited to take some of the exercise classes they offer.  I really want to try to keep my energy up.

I continue to be humbled by the grace the Lord is giving me every day.  I see it through my kids, my husband, my friends, even just simple situations that work out so perfectly.  I could not imagine going through this without His love and guidance and care.  Each day truly is an adventure full of unknowns to me, but not to Him.  It is an honor to be chosen to stretch and grow my faith every morning.

Now, since everyone is finally home, it's time to catch up on some new Doctor Who episodes!!

Random Rainy Day Thoughts

Well, the bright purple hair seems to be a hit, at least at church.  I got a few funny looks out and about this afternoon, but that is to be expected. :)  It is a little radical.  But I only get to enjoy it for a few days.  Friday at noon it is all coming off. Then I won't have to worry about it for our little weekend trip with the Crow clan up to Wisconsin.

Today at church, Todd Biegler shared about his cancer journey over the last three years.  It was so encouraging to me.  He reminded us all that God brings about these situations in our lives to ultimately bring glory to Himself.  That is just so humbling to me.  That the God of the universe would choose me to bring Him honor and glory.  I pray every day that I can meet the challenges of the day with grace and dignity.  And hopefully some laughter and fun, as well.

My headache is finally starting to subside.  It's been a LONG three days.  Unfortunately, my nurses told me I'll probably crash tomorrow, since the anti-nausea steroids will wear off.  I was supposed to feel pretty decent these last few days, but the headache put a damper on that.  I feel like my own walking pharmacy- I carry at least two bottles of pills with me everywhere in case I need them.  I should also get my Tylenol back in my purse.  :)

I still don't feel like I really have cancer.  Cancer is something that happens to people in TV shows and movies.  Or older people.  I never really had any understanding of what it is actually like to deal with.  That is part of why I started this blog.  I'm hoping it will help people have a real look at what cancer treatment is like, so if they ever would have a loved one, or, heaven forbid, themselves, go through it, they can have an idea of what happens, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

The worst part is feeling like I won't ever feel good again.  It's only been 4 days since my first chemo treatment, but I can't remember what it feels like to feel good.  I'm still recovering from 2 surgeries, as well.  The unexpected headaches didn't help either.  I know the fatigue is just going to get worse and worse as the months go on.  I'm already napping 2-3 hours each day. :)  This is where all those verses and songs about endurance, patience, and grace really come into play.  And a lot of thankfulness for a very patient, loving family.

Andy will be home from Puerto Rico about 2 am.  I'm excited to see him after a little over a week.  I can't wait to hear what he has learned and what God has shown him about himself and this world. I hope he likes my hair!!

Pictures

Here are a few pictures from my adventure toward losing my hair.  My amazing sister in law, Jackie, came with me and suggested cutting it really short.  I'm so glad she did!  I really love it.  I'm going to have it this way until Friday at noon, when we'll shave it all off.  

It took 2 and a half hours to do it all.  I came home, ate some quick lunch, and told the boys I was going upstairs to lay down for a little bit.  I woke up 3 hours later!  Darrin got home from storytelling at about 6.  Fortunately, he loves the hair!  :)  At least, he says he does!!  Church tomorrow should be fun!!