I'm new to this whole blogging thing, but I thought it would be a good way to keep everyone informed as I take this journey through breast cancer. I want everyone to know the story, but I find it exhausting to repeat myself a lot. This way you can read all the details you want, or just skim through and get the gist of things. First, I want to thank you for stopping by and being part of my story. Just a warning, we're talking about breast cancer here, so parts of the blog you might find embarrassing. :) Here's how it started.
On Mother's Day weekend, I got really sick. The awful, gut wrenching miserable kind of sick. I went to bed Friday night and didn't get up again until Monday. In the midst of it, I found a lump in my right breast. I was just watching TV with Darrin and happened to feel it. I didn't say anything that night, but on Sunday I mentioned it to Darrin and we decided I would call my gynecologist first thing Monday. I had been in for my yearly exam in March and that part of the exam was fine. I had an abnormal pap, though, so I had just gone through a couple unpleasant tests just to be told that everything was perfectly fine. I assumed that this would be fine, too, but I knew it was smart to get it checked out.
I called Monday morning, May 12th, and they got me in that afternoon. After confirming that there was indeed a palpable lump, I headed over the mammogram room. I'm only 37, so the very unpleasant squishing was a totally new experience. After the mammogram, they scheduled me for an ultrasound 2 days later. The mammogram can tell that there is a lump, and the ultrasound can identify if it is liquid (good), fat (good), or solid (not so good). There is a waiting period between the mammogram and the ultrasound so the Dr. can read the mammogram and know what he is looking for.
On Thursday, May 15th, I went in to RCI for the ultrasound at 10 am. Unfortunately, the mass was solid (not so good). The radiologist came in and told me we had to do a biopsy, but first he wanted to check out the left side. So they did a full ultrasound on the left side and a mammogram. There were a couple of suspicious spots, but the doctor decided they were ok. Then they had me come back at 2:30 for the biopsy. They started with another ultrasound, and then did the biopsy with a local numbing agent. It was still quite unpleasant. They didn't warn me that the instrument makes a loud noise when it clips the tissue, so I yelped when he took the first one. They were worried that they had hurt me, but I told them they just scared me out of my wits! One doesn't expect a noise like a gun to come from inside your breast. :) The tech was great and really tried to help me relax. We discussed grocery shopping, meal planning and living on a budget. :) Aldi should really pay me a commission!
Anyway, after the biopsy, I had a clip inserted to the spot where they took tissue so it could be identified by a surgeon if that became necessary. Then I had another mammogram to mark where the clip is located. That mammogram didn't hurt since they had used quite a bit of lidocaine for the biopsy. :)
They told me I would hear probably on Monday or Tuesday. I went home quite sore. By this time, I was starting to think this might not be just another medical anomaly that no one could explain. That happens a lot with me. You see, I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis when I was 18. It's an autoimmune disease involving other embarrassing parts of the body. With it came arthritis, skin problems, fatigue, and weight gain due to medication. I've also dealt with surgery to correct congenital hearing loss, three knee surgeries (all on the right), three foot surgeries(two left, one right), and eye surgery when I was 5. My mom did everything right when I was a baby, but I seem to have drawn the short end of the healthy stick. So by now, I was very used to lots of tests and not many answers. I was prepared to have gone through more unpleasant tests just to be told that everything seemed ok and they didn't know what exactly was going on.
I shared with a few good friends that I had had the biopsy and we laughed a little about all the squishing. My parents handled it remarkably well, at least in my presence, but I know my mom was really worried. They picked the boys up from school on the day of the biopsy. When we got home, she was sitting in the most uncomfortable chair in the house, rigid as could be. They've been great, and I hate worrying them.
On Monday, I kept the phone in my pocket or on my desk all day. It finally rang about 3:15- in the middle of my 7th hour class. The kids were watching a movie, so I stepped into the hallway. The doctor asked if I was in a place I could talk, which I figured was a bad sign. He was so kind and gentle. He said, "Well, we did find a little cancer." Three small, life altering words-"A little cancer." The rest of the afternoon is a bit of a blur. Calling Darrin to come to school right away, finding Sarah Lillis on the playground with her kids, telling my boss, Jeff Pospisil. Going over to my parents' to tell them in person, calling my brother, calling Maya Murphy, emailing Amy and Dennis in Turkey and Katie in Vancouver. The funniest- listening to our son, Luke complain about how much his knees hurt, trying to be sympathetic while all the time thinking, 'Suck it up- I've got cancer!' Isn't that terrible?!? We've chosen to not tell the boys until after I meet with the surgeon and oncologist. We want to tell them what the plan is to try to minimize their worry and stress.
I talked with a nurse at RCI who said she was sending all my information to the Breast Care Coordinator at St. Luke's. She would call me on Tuesday and start getting appointments set up. Until then, nothing to do but wait.
On Tuesday morning, I told the rest of the staff. I cried a little in our staff meeting, which I am sure put all the guys in a panic. Not only is she saying she has breast cancer, but she's crying, too!!! :) Poor guys. I got a call that morning from Wendy, the breast care coordinator. She started setting up appointments, and was also able to give me some more information. I'll post that separately so people can skip to that and avoid this long history if they want. Now it is Wednesday, and I am heading to see the surgeon this afternoon. I see the oncologist and Wendy tomorrow morning.
The thing that has been most reassuring to me is that none of this is a surprise to God. He knew exactly what was going happen, and what will happen. The Casting Crowns song I posted first is just so true. He's all over this. He already knows the end of the story. I won't pretend I don't have moments of panic, but I am confident in His care. I'm actually a little excited to see how He's going to use this to bring glory to Himself. And I am humbled to be a part of that.
So now it is time to Fight Like A Girl!! Go, Team Robin!!
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