OK- so I've learned I should not say I will do anything everyday or make any long term commitments while recovering from cancer. It wants to be in control, and the minute I try to assert myself, it reminds me who is boss. :) I had a really hard day on Wednesday, for two reasons, I think. First, I am developing lymphedema in my right arm. It is incredibly painful and I hadn't slept well for several days. I'm going to the lymphedema clinic sometime next week, I hope. Meanwhile, I am wearing a compression sleeve that very well could become part of my permanent daily wardrobe. Yippee.
The other thing that actually sent me into panic attacks was attending a breast reconstruction event Tuesday night. It was supposed to be informative, and it was, but it all the wrong ways. I think most of us in the room were horrified by his pictures and descriptions of how things are done and what happens if it doesn't go right. It would have been great for other physicians, but for actual cancer patients, it was too much on top of an already very scary life. I literally had two panic attacks about it on Wednesday, and I was out of my anxiety med. We got that refilled in the afternoon, and I started feeling much better.
Sometimes I get going feeling good, and then I crash and burn because I forget that I still have LOTS of healing to do. It's such a slow, frustrating process. But this time I went 2 whole weeks feeling pretty good! I feel good again today, so we'll start the clock again and see how long I can go this time. :)
What I've really been wanting to write about is worthy of its own post, so I think I'll end here and start a new post about my topic. ;)
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