Worse than the A/C

So I think the Taxol might be worse than the A/C.  It just took me several tries to write that first sentence.  The neuropathy just keeps getting worse.  I can barely feel my fingers and my feet are alternately numb and painful.  I've upped my medication again, but it's not helping much.  Tomorrow is a chemo day, so I hope we'll be able to come up with a plan.  I'm not sure I can handle this for 2 more months.  It's hard to grade or even hand out papers.  My handwriting is getting almost illegible, and it's getting harder and harder to type.  GRRRR.

With the A/C I could have lots of fluids and anti-nausea drugs that helped a lot.  There isn't anything like that for the Taxol.  Just the gabipenten, which slows the progression but doesn't stop or reverse it.  I'm kind of nervous about what Sylvia will say tomorrow.  I obviously need to finish the regimen, but if it keeps proceeding like this, I won't be able to function.  This is just no fun at all.

On top of that, my muscles are getting weaker, even though I'm doing my exercises every day.  I'd really appreciate prayers so we can figure this out and get a good solution.  It's obviously very frustrating, and scary, too.  I feel like I'm 95 years old.

On the other hand, I know God has better things planned for me.  This is a stage I have to go through and there are lessons to be learned.  He knows how bad it is going to get and He has the strength to see me through it.  I've been thinking a lot about how through him, strength is perfected in weakness.  I'm feeling pretty weak, so hopefully the strength is coming!

School at least has been going quite well.  The kids are very understanding of my chemo brain. :)  It's really good to be teaching- it's a good distraction, even when the neuropathy makes it frustrating.  Tomorrow marks my 5th Taxol treatment, so only 7 more to go after that.  The end might actually sort of be coming into view.

The Especially for You race is coming up soon- I'm signed up to walk it, though I'm not sure I'll be able to.  But that's OK- it will be fun to be there.  GO TEAM ROBIN!!