Green beans

I felt pretty good when I woke up this morning, so I got up and made biscuits and gravy for breakfast.  I don't know why I continue to bother with cooking or eating- nothing tastes good.  But I enjoy the process enough that it is worth it, I guess.  We had somewhere around 6 or 7 gallons of green beans to deal with today.  We all helped with the snapping and cleaning, and then Darrin experimented with some new recipes.  He froze 2 gallons worth, and then made some spicy dilly beans that will be fun to try in a couple weeks.  We still have several gallons more to play with tomorrow.  It totally did me in, though, and I spent most of the day sleeping, watching tv and trying (unsuccessfully) not to throw up.

We are experimenting more with the umami flavor.  It seems to be the only flavor that I can actually taste and sort of enjoy.  Umami is that other taste- not sweet, more than savory- like bacon.  We have a lentil and rice dish that we like a lot for breakfast that Darrin is making for tomorrow.  We're adding some salmon to it, and the cats are going nuts. :) It will be interesting to see how it tastes in the morning.

I was hugely humbled and honored today to get an email message from Father Raphael Abraham.  He has asked Archbishop Chrysostomos to pray for me, and the Archbishop has asked the monks at his monastery to intercede on my behalf.  I was privileged several years ago to have the Archbishop as a guest speaker in my world history class.  He is a brilliant and fascinating man.  I am just so humbled that so many people are praying for me.

Sometimes I feel unworthy of this struggle.  Why has God chosen me to go through this?  I don't mean why me? in a negative way, but in a positive way.  Clearly God has a purpose.  Am I fulfilling that purpose?  Am I wasting an opportunity when I spend the day on the couch watching TV?  Or is that part of what I am learning- that it is OK to admit weakness?  I am definitely learning that I can't push too hard or I have no choice about being in bed or on the couch.  Maybe it's helping me let go of control.  I have always been a strong person with a strong personality.  (I am a Cline, after all!!) ;)  I've been very independent all my life.  I lived happily on my own until I was 33.  My husband has been such an incredible influence- he makes it very easy to be a submissive wife in the very best sense of the word.  But I know I have my independent, stubborn, wants to be in control streak.  Cancer has taken away much of that control.  I am learning now to trust that every day will bring its own challenges and I have to trust and rely on God and on Darrin to help me get through each day.  We can make a tentative plan in the morning that might get thrown out the window by noon.  But I know that as long as we are together and we are keeping our focus on God and on each other, we'll get through each day, drawing closer together all the time.  I wouldn't trade that for anything.  Well, maybe for some good tasting food. . . .   :)