Saturday, June 28, 2014
Sorry for the absence
Unfortunately, I spent all day yesterday at PCI and am currently enjoying the hospitality of St. Luke's. I started vomiting about 9:15 yesterday morning. I threw up about 30 times yesterday, but only 3 times so far today. All my doctors say I am exceptional. :) They can't quite figure out the right combination to get the headache and the nausea at the same time. Hopefully I'll continue to keep my clear liquid lunch down and might be able to go home tonight. No one has suggested that, yet, though. :( Prayers are appreciated!!
Thursday, June 26, 2014
Finding a Fix
Today we spent over 2 hours trying to solve the problems of headache and nausea. Sylvia, my nurse practitioner, is amazing. We have some plans in place for the next round of chemo that will hopefully alleviate the headache. It involves a shot every day for a week instead of just one shot the day after chemo. I'm not thrilled about that, but if it makes the headaches better, I'm all for it. We're also trying some different combinations of the drugs I'm already taking to see if we can keep the nausea at bay. I was looking forward to the week of July 7th being my first appointment free week in two months. Instead, I'll be there every single day that week. :)
We got our first bill in the mail from PCI today. It had charges for both surgeries and the first round of chemo. It was pretty hilarious. There is still a lot of insurance pending. The total of the bill was well over $16,000. However, when I looked at the column for how much we actually owe, it was $80- the cost of a co-pay!! I'm sure that will change in the next few weeks, but it was really hilarious to read all these exorbitant charges and then only owe $80. The drug that has probably given me this awful headache costs $5,500 just itself. So, I guess I'm getting my money's worth out of the headache! :)
I am very thankful that Cedar Valley has always tried very hard to provide decent insurance for us. It's gotten a lot harder in the last few years, but they have really worked to make it affordable and as good of coverage as possible. I've only talked to our insurance people a little bit, but I think we'll be ok. That is definitely comforting to know. That bill today was a real eye opener. I'm so thankful for Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University. Darrin and I went through the program before we were married. His plans have allowed us to do so much and be in control of our finances. The Lord has really used him to change a lot of lives. If you haven't ever heard any of Dave's stuff, I highly recommend it!
Tomorrow at noon I lose my hair. I'm so not ready for that. On the other hand- I'm looking forward to all my cute hats and scarves. Many women say this is the absolute worst part of cancer treatment. I believe it! But I also know Crystal will do everything she can to make tomorrow fun and not so scary. And I'll save on hair products for awhile!!
I think perhaps more than anything else tomorrow's hair loss will make this journey truly real. There will be an undeniable outward sign of this battle. I know I'll get funny looks from little kids and maybe some awkward questions. That doesn't bother me. Maybe it will help people learn compassion. I do find myself wondering more about people who have wacky haircuts. Maybe they aren't rebels or trying to make some sort of statement. Maybe they have cancer. It just reminds me that everyone has something to deal with, whether it be physical or emotional. We're all going through something and we all need grace. Maybe purple hair is a form of whistling in the dark. A good thing to remember.
We got our first bill in the mail from PCI today. It had charges for both surgeries and the first round of chemo. It was pretty hilarious. There is still a lot of insurance pending. The total of the bill was well over $16,000. However, when I looked at the column for how much we actually owe, it was $80- the cost of a co-pay!! I'm sure that will change in the next few weeks, but it was really hilarious to read all these exorbitant charges and then only owe $80. The drug that has probably given me this awful headache costs $5,500 just itself. So, I guess I'm getting my money's worth out of the headache! :)
I am very thankful that Cedar Valley has always tried very hard to provide decent insurance for us. It's gotten a lot harder in the last few years, but they have really worked to make it affordable and as good of coverage as possible. I've only talked to our insurance people a little bit, but I think we'll be ok. That is definitely comforting to know. That bill today was a real eye opener. I'm so thankful for Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University. Darrin and I went through the program before we were married. His plans have allowed us to do so much and be in control of our finances. The Lord has really used him to change a lot of lives. If you haven't ever heard any of Dave's stuff, I highly recommend it!
Tomorrow at noon I lose my hair. I'm so not ready for that. On the other hand- I'm looking forward to all my cute hats and scarves. Many women say this is the absolute worst part of cancer treatment. I believe it! But I also know Crystal will do everything she can to make tomorrow fun and not so scary. And I'll save on hair products for awhile!!
I think perhaps more than anything else tomorrow's hair loss will make this journey truly real. There will be an undeniable outward sign of this battle. I know I'll get funny looks from little kids and maybe some awkward questions. That doesn't bother me. Maybe it will help people learn compassion. I do find myself wondering more about people who have wacky haircuts. Maybe they aren't rebels or trying to make some sort of statement. Maybe they have cancer. It just reminds me that everyone has something to deal with, whether it be physical or emotional. We're all going through something and we all need grace. Maybe purple hair is a form of whistling in the dark. A good thing to remember.
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
AAAAANND. . . . CRASH
I hate being right. The crash hit about 11 this morning, as Darrin and I were driving back from storytelling in Dike. It was bad. Not the storytelling, that was great, as always. The crash was bad. It was all I could do to get upstairs and into bed. I slept and tried not to throw up all afternoon. Tonight I got up for some very yummy grilled chicken and quinoa, and then we managed to take a short walk around the block. So, all in all, only about a 7 hour crash so far.
I must confess, it was discouraging. I felt so good yesterday. We went out and played bocci ball in the front yard and took two walks throughout the day. I know I'm still just in the first round and figuring out how I'm going to feel each day, so I need to be patient. I just love summer time, though, and I HATE wasting it inside sleeping. GRRR.
Tomorrow morning I have my one week check up. I've been keeping track of symptoms and hopefully will get some questions answered. I can't believe it has only been a week- it seems like forever.
I know I've been saying I'll get more of my pictures from Jackee up, but I just haven't quite gotten there yet. I lose my hair on Friday at noon. I'm definitely not looking forward to that. At all. I love my short cut, but I miss my hair already. It doesn't feel right when I wash it. I've had long hair for a long time. Darrin was asking me today if I've picked out which scarf or hat I'm going to wear on Friday. I haven't yet, but I've thought about it. I have lots of really cute ones. I'll have to figure out my outfit and match accordingly. :)
Meanwhile, here's hoping for a less crashy day tomorrow!
I must confess, it was discouraging. I felt so good yesterday. We went out and played bocci ball in the front yard and took two walks throughout the day. I know I'm still just in the first round and figuring out how I'm going to feel each day, so I need to be patient. I just love summer time, though, and I HATE wasting it inside sleeping. GRRR.
Tomorrow morning I have my one week check up. I've been keeping track of symptoms and hopefully will get some questions answered. I can't believe it has only been a week- it seems like forever.
I know I've been saying I'll get more of my pictures from Jackee up, but I just haven't quite gotten there yet. I lose my hair on Friday at noon. I'm definitely not looking forward to that. At all. I love my short cut, but I miss my hair already. It doesn't feel right when I wash it. I've had long hair for a long time. Darrin was asking me today if I've picked out which scarf or hat I'm going to wear on Friday. I haven't yet, but I've thought about it. I have lots of really cute ones. I'll have to figure out my outfit and match accordingly. :)
Meanwhile, here's hoping for a less crashy day tomorrow!
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Gifts
Darrin and I are taking the spiritual gifts class at church on Wednesday nights. For this week, our homework was to do an online spiritual gifts assessment. Not surprisingly to either of us, we scored highest on the same 4 gifts. I know many couples who have very opposite traits, interests, and personalities and have fabulous, complementary marriages. Darrin and I seem to have very similar traits, interests, and personalities. We also have a fabulous marriage. I am fascinated by how God brings people together exactly how we are supposed to be to fulfill the purpose He has for each of us as individuals and as couples. I never in a million years would have thought my path would fall where it has. And I never in a million years would change it. It just proves that God knows so much better than we do what we need and when we need it. That is why, even though I hate the idea of cancer and am truly not looking forward to the next six months, I know that it is the best thing for me. The Lord has some great purpose in mind, and I am going to trust that He will reveal that purpose in His own good time. It might be next week, it might be years and years from now. But just as He has given all believers spiritual gifts, he has given me this cancer as a gift to draw me closer to Him. And through it I am growing closer to my husband and sons, as well. I wouldn't trade that for anything.
However, I would trade the ridiculous backache I've had all day. :) Other than that, it's been a pretty great day. We started at 7:15 at Hall Perrine to meet with my radiology oncologist, Dr. Merfeld. I like her immensely. I won't see her again for about 5 months, but it was good to have an initial appointment and gather yet more information about this process called cancer treatment.
I got to hear Darrin's stories for this summer at the Anamosa Library today. He has done such a great job putting together the stories of George Nissen and Arthur Collins. The library reading theme this summer is Fizz, Bang, Read!, so he put together stories of two local boys who made history through their curiosity. Nissen invented the trampoline, and Collins started Collins Radio, now Rockwell. I am so proud of the amazing work Darrin has done building his storytelling business. It is yet another blessing that he is able to be home so much with me right now, but still be providing for our family. How amazing is our God??
The dreaded mid-cycle crash hasn't come yet, but I'm guessing it will in the next day or two. Meanwhile, I will continue to enjoy the times I am feeling decent, and will work to not dread the times I don't. Living in the present is becoming more and more important. And now, bedtime is becoming pretty important, too! :)
However, I would trade the ridiculous backache I've had all day. :) Other than that, it's been a pretty great day. We started at 7:15 at Hall Perrine to meet with my radiology oncologist, Dr. Merfeld. I like her immensely. I won't see her again for about 5 months, but it was good to have an initial appointment and gather yet more information about this process called cancer treatment.
I got to hear Darrin's stories for this summer at the Anamosa Library today. He has done such a great job putting together the stories of George Nissen and Arthur Collins. The library reading theme this summer is Fizz, Bang, Read!, so he put together stories of two local boys who made history through their curiosity. Nissen invented the trampoline, and Collins started Collins Radio, now Rockwell. I am so proud of the amazing work Darrin has done building his storytelling business. It is yet another blessing that he is able to be home so much with me right now, but still be providing for our family. How amazing is our God??
The dreaded mid-cycle crash hasn't come yet, but I'm guessing it will in the next day or two. Meanwhile, I will continue to enjoy the times I am feeling decent, and will work to not dread the times I don't. Living in the present is becoming more and more important. And now, bedtime is becoming pretty important, too! :)
Monday, June 23, 2014
A good day
Today was a pretty good day. I'm feeling a little bit more normal. We had a nice walk this morning, and that helped my energy level. Though I did still have a 2 hour nap this afternoon!
Andy is home safe and sound from Puerto Rico. It sounds like they had a great time serving a local church there and learning about themselves and the Lord's work in other parts of the world. I'm so proud of him for going. I am really glad to have him home, though it is a lot noisier all of the sudden! :)
Jackee sent us our link to the photo shoot she did for us last week. The pictures are so much fun! Tomorrow I will work on putting some of them up on the blog and more on FB.
We met with the exercise guy today at the Cancer Center. He is putting together some stuff for me and I'll see him again next week. I'm excited to take some of the exercise classes they offer. I really want to try to keep my energy up.
I continue to be humbled by the grace the Lord is giving me every day. I see it through my kids, my husband, my friends, even just simple situations that work out so perfectly. I could not imagine going through this without His love and guidance and care. Each day truly is an adventure full of unknowns to me, but not to Him. It is an honor to be chosen to stretch and grow my faith every morning.
Now, since everyone is finally home, it's time to catch up on some new Doctor Who episodes!!
Andy is home safe and sound from Puerto Rico. It sounds like they had a great time serving a local church there and learning about themselves and the Lord's work in other parts of the world. I'm so proud of him for going. I am really glad to have him home, though it is a lot noisier all of the sudden! :)
Jackee sent us our link to the photo shoot she did for us last week. The pictures are so much fun! Tomorrow I will work on putting some of them up on the blog and more on FB.
We met with the exercise guy today at the Cancer Center. He is putting together some stuff for me and I'll see him again next week. I'm excited to take some of the exercise classes they offer. I really want to try to keep my energy up.
I continue to be humbled by the grace the Lord is giving me every day. I see it through my kids, my husband, my friends, even just simple situations that work out so perfectly. I could not imagine going through this without His love and guidance and care. Each day truly is an adventure full of unknowns to me, but not to Him. It is an honor to be chosen to stretch and grow my faith every morning.
Now, since everyone is finally home, it's time to catch up on some new Doctor Who episodes!!
Sunday, June 22, 2014
Random Rainy Day Thoughts
Well, the bright purple hair seems to be a hit, at least at church. I got a few funny looks out and about this afternoon, but that is to be expected. :) It is a little radical. But I only get to enjoy it for a few days. Friday at noon it is all coming off. Then I won't have to worry about it for our little weekend trip with the Crow clan up to Wisconsin.
Today at church, Todd Biegler shared about his cancer journey over the last three years. It was so encouraging to me. He reminded us all that God brings about these situations in our lives to ultimately bring glory to Himself. That is just so humbling to me. That the God of the universe would choose me to bring Him honor and glory. I pray every day that I can meet the challenges of the day with grace and dignity. And hopefully some laughter and fun, as well.
My headache is finally starting to subside. It's been a LONG three days. Unfortunately, my nurses told me I'll probably crash tomorrow, since the anti-nausea steroids will wear off. I was supposed to feel pretty decent these last few days, but the headache put a damper on that. I feel like my own walking pharmacy- I carry at least two bottles of pills with me everywhere in case I need them. I should also get my Tylenol back in my purse. :)
I still don't feel like I really have cancer. Cancer is something that happens to people in TV shows and movies. Or older people. I never really had any understanding of what it is actually like to deal with. That is part of why I started this blog. I'm hoping it will help people have a real look at what cancer treatment is like, so if they ever would have a loved one, or, heaven forbid, themselves, go through it, they can have an idea of what happens, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
The worst part is feeling like I won't ever feel good again. It's only been 4 days since my first chemo treatment, but I can't remember what it feels like to feel good. I'm still recovering from 2 surgeries, as well. The unexpected headaches didn't help either. I know the fatigue is just going to get worse and worse as the months go on. I'm already napping 2-3 hours each day. :) This is where all those verses and songs about endurance, patience, and grace really come into play. And a lot of thankfulness for a very patient, loving family.
Andy will be home from Puerto Rico about 2 am. I'm excited to see him after a little over a week. I can't wait to hear what he has learned and what God has shown him about himself and this world. I hope he likes my hair!!
Today at church, Todd Biegler shared about his cancer journey over the last three years. It was so encouraging to me. He reminded us all that God brings about these situations in our lives to ultimately bring glory to Himself. That is just so humbling to me. That the God of the universe would choose me to bring Him honor and glory. I pray every day that I can meet the challenges of the day with grace and dignity. And hopefully some laughter and fun, as well.
My headache is finally starting to subside. It's been a LONG three days. Unfortunately, my nurses told me I'll probably crash tomorrow, since the anti-nausea steroids will wear off. I was supposed to feel pretty decent these last few days, but the headache put a damper on that. I feel like my own walking pharmacy- I carry at least two bottles of pills with me everywhere in case I need them. I should also get my Tylenol back in my purse. :)
I still don't feel like I really have cancer. Cancer is something that happens to people in TV shows and movies. Or older people. I never really had any understanding of what it is actually like to deal with. That is part of why I started this blog. I'm hoping it will help people have a real look at what cancer treatment is like, so if they ever would have a loved one, or, heaven forbid, themselves, go through it, they can have an idea of what happens, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
The worst part is feeling like I won't ever feel good again. It's only been 4 days since my first chemo treatment, but I can't remember what it feels like to feel good. I'm still recovering from 2 surgeries, as well. The unexpected headaches didn't help either. I know the fatigue is just going to get worse and worse as the months go on. I'm already napping 2-3 hours each day. :) This is where all those verses and songs about endurance, patience, and grace really come into play. And a lot of thankfulness for a very patient, loving family.
Andy will be home from Puerto Rico about 2 am. I'm excited to see him after a little over a week. I can't wait to hear what he has learned and what God has shown him about himself and this world. I hope he likes my hair!!
Saturday, June 21, 2014
Pictures
It took 2 and a half hours to do it all. I came home, ate some quick lunch, and told the boys I was going upstairs to lay down for a little bit. I woke up 3 hours later! Darrin got home from storytelling at about 6. Fortunately, he loves the hair! :) At least, he says he does!! Church tomorrow should be fun!!
Friday, June 20, 2014
A pretty good day
Well, the Neulasta shot had not been bad so far. We'll see if it gets worse tomorrow. I'm sure taking a lorazapam before hand helped. :) The headache is still going strong, though.
It's amazing how and when the inability to cope pops up. I spent almost 40 minutes on the phone today with an Apple representative trying to figure out my Apple ID for my new ipad mini (Thanks, Daddy!!) About half way through she put me on hold for a minute and I just looked at Darrin with tears- "Will you bring me a Lorazipam?" 5 minutes later I was able to cope again. She was very helpful, by the way. I just had a confusing situation.
My parents brought over Zoey's pizza for supper and chatted for awhile. It was nice to feel relatively normal- very tired, but otherwise ok.
We discovered that citrus is out for now. My grapefruit tasted awful this morning. Also, citrus can really aggravate the mouth sores caused by the chemo. I'm bummed- I love citrus. :(
Tomorrow morning we're hoping to hit the market for a little while before Darrin has to go tell stories in Bode, Iowa, north of Fort Dodge. Then I'll head over to see Crystal at the salon with my sis-in-law, Jackie. There will be a surprise for those of you who attend Cedar Valley on Sunday morning. :) I'll be sure to post pictures for those of you don't. :) Speaking of pictures, if you are friends with me or Darrin on FB, you've probably seen some sneak peeks from my photo shoot with Jackee Austerman. Are they not amazing?? Not that I'm amazing, but that Jackee is a great photographer!! They are so much fun and I'm sure will bring me lots of joy over the next months. (and maybe some nostalgia!)
I'm blown away again by God's faithfulness in providing an absolutely perfect day for outdoor pictures. He is such a good God, in the big things and the little things. Amen to that.
It's amazing how and when the inability to cope pops up. I spent almost 40 minutes on the phone today with an Apple representative trying to figure out my Apple ID for my new ipad mini (Thanks, Daddy!!) About half way through she put me on hold for a minute and I just looked at Darrin with tears- "Will you bring me a Lorazipam?" 5 minutes later I was able to cope again. She was very helpful, by the way. I just had a confusing situation.
My parents brought over Zoey's pizza for supper and chatted for awhile. It was nice to feel relatively normal- very tired, but otherwise ok.
We discovered that citrus is out for now. My grapefruit tasted awful this morning. Also, citrus can really aggravate the mouth sores caused by the chemo. I'm bummed- I love citrus. :(
Tomorrow morning we're hoping to hit the market for a little while before Darrin has to go tell stories in Bode, Iowa, north of Fort Dodge. Then I'll head over to see Crystal at the salon with my sis-in-law, Jackie. There will be a surprise for those of you who attend Cedar Valley on Sunday morning. :) I'll be sure to post pictures for those of you don't. :) Speaking of pictures, if you are friends with me or Darrin on FB, you've probably seen some sneak peeks from my photo shoot with Jackee Austerman. Are they not amazing?? Not that I'm amazing, but that Jackee is a great photographer!! They are so much fun and I'm sure will bring me lots of joy over the next months. (and maybe some nostalgia!)
I'm blown away again by God's faithfulness in providing an absolutely perfect day for outdoor pictures. He is such a good God, in the big things and the little things. Amen to that.
Courage
So many movie heroes have said that courage is not the absence of fear, but it is acting despite that fear. It took a lot of courage to sit down in that chemo chair yesterday. As I mentioned yesterday, I had to take a lorazipam to get through it without being a weeping mess. :) Most of you know I'm a literature and history teacher, and I love words and like to play with them. Darrin and I often joke about the book The Red Badge of Courage. We aren't big fans. One of my chemo drugs is nicknamed 'The Red Devil'. Last night I decided I should be awarded 'The Red Devil Badge of Courage.' It made us laugh.
Everyone enjoyed the Lego Movie last night. Afterward, Darrin and I went over to Cedar Valley and walked for about 45 minutes. It was too rainy to walk outside. I felt a lot better when we were done. This morning I'm doing pretty well. My anti-nausea drug will give me extra energy for the next couple of days, so that is good. I get my Neulasta shot in about an hour. (to stimulate blood cell growth so they can torture me, er, treat me, every 2 weeks instead of every 3). I hear it is pretty unpleasant and causes quite a bit of pain. I'll probably check in again to night and let you know! Prayers appreciated!
Everyone enjoyed the Lego Movie last night. Afterward, Darrin and I went over to Cedar Valley and walked for about 45 minutes. It was too rainy to walk outside. I felt a lot better when we were done. This morning I'm doing pretty well. My anti-nausea drug will give me extra energy for the next couple of days, so that is good. I get my Neulasta shot in about an hour. (to stimulate blood cell growth so they can torture me, er, treat me, every 2 weeks instead of every 3). I hear it is pretty unpleasant and causes quite a bit of pain. I'll probably check in again to night and let you know! Prayers appreciated!
Thursday, June 19, 2014
D-Day
Today was the day we've been waiting for and dreading. It is exactly one month since I got my diagnosis. I went first to Cardiology for an Echocardiogram. One of my drugs can cause heart damage, so they get a baseline and then will check throughout treatment to make sure my heart stays ok. It was fun to watch. The test is basically an ultrasound of the heart. I thought the valves opening and closing looked like chickens pecking. That test took about 45 minutes. Then I headed down to chemo.
I did have to take a lorazapam as soon as I got there to stem the tide of panic and tears. The nurse, Krystal, was very understanding and sweet. She said it is often really hard for people the first time. The treatment itself went great until the last regimen, the Cytoxin. It gave me a really nasty headache. It might also have been caused by one of the anti-nausea drugs. If it was that one, I'll have the headache for 72 hours. I still have it now, though it is a lot better than it was. I'm hoping that means it was the Cytoxin and they'll just slow down the dosing time to an hour instead of half an hour.
I came home and pretty much slept from about 1:15-5:30. I tried some dinner, provided by our dear friend Vicky, but it made me feel pretty sick. I took another anti-nausea pill right before we started eating, and it just kicked in about 5 minutes ago.
Now we're going to go upstairs so I can sit my awesome recliner and we'll watch the Lego Movie with the boys.
I have a shot tomorrow morning at 11 that will make my joints hurt as they manufacture more white blood cells so we can do this all again in 2 weeks instead of 3. The nurses said I should feel decent until Monday due to an anti-nausea steroid I'll be taking for 3 days. I might crash Monday- Friday or Saturday, and then start feeling better just in time to do it all again. ;)
Shiloh is anxious to watch the movie, so I'll end with this. All of you prayers, words of encouragement, gifts, notes, etc, have been so wonderful. I honestly don't have the energy to respond to them all,but please know how very blessed I feel. My days are easier knowing so many people are supporting me. I've asked the Lord to bless each of you the way you have blessed me. Thank you.
I did have to take a lorazapam as soon as I got there to stem the tide of panic and tears. The nurse, Krystal, was very understanding and sweet. She said it is often really hard for people the first time. The treatment itself went great until the last regimen, the Cytoxin. It gave me a really nasty headache. It might also have been caused by one of the anti-nausea drugs. If it was that one, I'll have the headache for 72 hours. I still have it now, though it is a lot better than it was. I'm hoping that means it was the Cytoxin and they'll just slow down the dosing time to an hour instead of half an hour.
I came home and pretty much slept from about 1:15-5:30. I tried some dinner, provided by our dear friend Vicky, but it made me feel pretty sick. I took another anti-nausea pill right before we started eating, and it just kicked in about 5 minutes ago.
Now we're going to go upstairs so I can sit my awesome recliner and we'll watch the Lego Movie with the boys.
I have a shot tomorrow morning at 11 that will make my joints hurt as they manufacture more white blood cells so we can do this all again in 2 weeks instead of 3. The nurses said I should feel decent until Monday due to an anti-nausea steroid I'll be taking for 3 days. I might crash Monday- Friday or Saturday, and then start feeling better just in time to do it all again. ;)
Shiloh is anxious to watch the movie, so I'll end with this. All of you prayers, words of encouragement, gifts, notes, etc, have been so wonderful. I honestly don't have the energy to respond to them all,but please know how very blessed I feel. My days are easier knowing so many people are supporting me. I've asked the Lord to bless each of you the way you have blessed me. Thank you.
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Countdown to Chemo
Today has been absolutely fabulous. I had a decades old wish fulfilled today, thanks to my amazing husband, my amazing friend Amy, and two amazing women who own their own businesses. Here's the background:
My senior pictures in high school were awful. It's a really long story involving a missions trip to Mexico, my brother's wedding, and a misunderstanding with the photographer. (that sounds like the lead in to a really bad joke- which my senior pictures were, so I guess it's appropriate) The misunderstanding led to no outside shots, just cheesy early 90's indoor poses- you know, with the fake tree and the mirror and all the wistful looks. :) Anyway- I've always hated my senior pictures. I loved my wedding pictures, done by Brent Rairdin. They were beautiful, but I got married in early March, so we couldn't do many outdoor shots. We have a few from Noelridge, and they are good pictures, but the ground was ugly. I've always wanted to have great outdoor pictures, but it seemed silly as an adult to do a redo of senior pictures, especially when your senior year was 20 years ago!
But, as with everything bad in life, there are silver linings. The silver lining of chemo and losing my hair? Getting to do that outdoor photo shoot. :)
I went at 9:30 this morning to In the Cut Salon, owned by Crystal Jagnow. Katie Findlay told me about Crystal when I was looking for a wedding hair stylist. She did a fabulous job for my wedding, so I thought it would be appropriate to ask her to be part of another important day in my life. This morning she cut and styled it beautifully. She opened early just for me. She is a fantastic stylist and a fantastic person. I'll see her a couple more times in the next week, but I'll talk about those in later posts. ;)
I think I talked in another post about Amy calling me all the way from Turkey to set up a photo shoot with her friend Jackee Austerman. Jackee is amazing. She is very sweet and an excellent photographer. She has a great eye and was so much fun to work with today. I just met her right before we started, but by the end I felt I'd known her a long time. She's one of those great people who make you feel at ease and comfortable right away.
I prayed all week for the weather to be good today. I was so worried that we wouldn't be able to do outdoor pictures. The Lord chose to pour out the blessings. Today, I had fabulous hair, fabulous weather, and a fabulous photographer. We went out to Palisades-Kepler Park and took photos by the lodge and down by the river. They were everything I ever wanted in pictures. Two of them are up on Facebook, and if they are any indication, they will all be amazing. The weather was perfect. It was cool, cloudy, and just slightly windy. The cloud cover created a really nice, softer light, and the wind made for some fun shots.
I had a great time and was able to forget for awhile that I was doing this because I'm about to lose my hair. Afterward, Darrin took me to lunch at the Lost Cuban, a little restaurant downtown we've been wanting to try for awhile. It did not disappoint! The food was great. Then we took a walk along the river. He planned an absolutely perfect day.
If you are ever looking for a stylist or a photographer, I highly recommend both these wonderful Christian ladies. I'd be happy to pass on their contact info. They were such a blessing to me today. They (and Darrin) made this day just about perfect. Tomorrow is easier to face having had a wonderful day today. And having a great haircut doesn't hurt, either! :)
My senior pictures in high school were awful. It's a really long story involving a missions trip to Mexico, my brother's wedding, and a misunderstanding with the photographer. (that sounds like the lead in to a really bad joke- which my senior pictures were, so I guess it's appropriate) The misunderstanding led to no outside shots, just cheesy early 90's indoor poses- you know, with the fake tree and the mirror and all the wistful looks. :) Anyway- I've always hated my senior pictures. I loved my wedding pictures, done by Brent Rairdin. They were beautiful, but I got married in early March, so we couldn't do many outdoor shots. We have a few from Noelridge, and they are good pictures, but the ground was ugly. I've always wanted to have great outdoor pictures, but it seemed silly as an adult to do a redo of senior pictures, especially when your senior year was 20 years ago!
But, as with everything bad in life, there are silver linings. The silver lining of chemo and losing my hair? Getting to do that outdoor photo shoot. :)
I went at 9:30 this morning to In the Cut Salon, owned by Crystal Jagnow. Katie Findlay told me about Crystal when I was looking for a wedding hair stylist. She did a fabulous job for my wedding, so I thought it would be appropriate to ask her to be part of another important day in my life. This morning she cut and styled it beautifully. She opened early just for me. She is a fantastic stylist and a fantastic person. I'll see her a couple more times in the next week, but I'll talk about those in later posts. ;)
I think I talked in another post about Amy calling me all the way from Turkey to set up a photo shoot with her friend Jackee Austerman. Jackee is amazing. She is very sweet and an excellent photographer. She has a great eye and was so much fun to work with today. I just met her right before we started, but by the end I felt I'd known her a long time. She's one of those great people who make you feel at ease and comfortable right away.
I prayed all week for the weather to be good today. I was so worried that we wouldn't be able to do outdoor pictures. The Lord chose to pour out the blessings. Today, I had fabulous hair, fabulous weather, and a fabulous photographer. We went out to Palisades-Kepler Park and took photos by the lodge and down by the river. They were everything I ever wanted in pictures. Two of them are up on Facebook, and if they are any indication, they will all be amazing. The weather was perfect. It was cool, cloudy, and just slightly windy. The cloud cover created a really nice, softer light, and the wind made for some fun shots.
I had a great time and was able to forget for awhile that I was doing this because I'm about to lose my hair. Afterward, Darrin took me to lunch at the Lost Cuban, a little restaurant downtown we've been wanting to try for awhile. It did not disappoint! The food was great. Then we took a walk along the river. He planned an absolutely perfect day.
If you are ever looking for a stylist or a photographer, I highly recommend both these wonderful Christian ladies. I'd be happy to pass on their contact info. They were such a blessing to me today. They (and Darrin) made this day just about perfect. Tomorrow is easier to face having had a wonderful day today. And having a great haircut doesn't hurt, either! :)
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
Make up, more info, my job, and movies
Last night I got to go to a program sponsored by the American Cancer Society called "Look Good, Feel Better." It was a 2 hour program on hair, nail, and skin care during and after chemo. Chemotherapy attacks rapidly dividing cells in a patient's body. Cancer cells divide rapidly, but so do hair, nail, skin, and mouth cells. That's why most everyone who has chemo has side effects in one, some, or all of these areas.
The cool thing about this program is that major cosmetic companies donate product for free. So I now have Christian Dior lipstick, Estee Lauder cleanser, and a whole host of other really nice cosmetics. They had great tips for how to look at least mostly normal while going through chemo. It was also great to connect with some other women in different stages of their journeys. I met a woman who had also decided to go just with hats and scarves instead of a wig. I think more and more that this was the right decision for me. Especially since I just ordered a ton of ADORABLE hats. :)
This morning we went to chemo education. A lot of it I knew already from my own reading and talking with other cancer survivors. The appointment started (as all of them will) with a blood draw, so it was the first time my powerport was accessed. I am SO thankful for it. It's a little tiny stick and they can get everything they need for blood draws, and administer chemo easily. It was definitely a good decision. I'm sure I'll be even more thankful on Thursday when we start treatments.
The nurse practitioner we met with today was great. She went over all the info again and answered a lot of questions. We also got a tour of the chemo room. It is very nice. And there are snacks. :) I'll be getting 2 anti-nausea drugs before each chemo treatment even starts, another to take for 3 days after, and three more to take as needed, so hopefully the nausea won't be too bad. And hopefully I'll be able to snack on their pistachios, almonds, and grape juice. :)
After chemo ed, we went over to school so I could chat with Jeff about next year and so Darrin could paint Wendy's classroom ( a beautiful periwinkle color). I had never worried at all about my job, but I was further reassured when Jeff started our meeting by saying, "Before we talk about anything, I want you to know that we will do whatever we need to to take care of you." Good thing I was out of tears for the morning!! It is so amazing to have the privilege to work with people who are so wonderful. We came up with a couple good contingency plans. We will each pursue different parts of those plans to make sure everything is in place for the fall. Unless something completely unforeseen (to me, not God) happens, I will be teaching full time in the fall. Except for chemo days, of course. All treatment should be done by the end of the semester. I will be doing the junior high plays and a high school play in the fall. I actually think that will be easier than trying to teach 3 content classes. I'm also sure I'll get plenty of help.
This afternoon I decided I wanted to see Muppets: Most Wanted. I love movies. Movies are a huge part of my life. I love to watch them, I love to analyze them, I love to talk about them, I love to help make them. I used to have a huge collection of movies, but we sold a lot of them when we got married, thinking we could watch whatever we wanted on Netflix. Of course, that isn't true, so I've been missing several of my movies that I really want to show the boys. It was so fun to go see a movie in the theater. (it's at Collins Road). And, oh, my goodness, is it funny! I just loved it. It is so much better than the last Muppet movie that came out a couple years ago. The music is great, the jokes come a mile a minute, and the cameos are pretty amazing. It's also completely clean. I probably laughed harder than anyone else in the theater.
I needed that, though. As Thursday draws inexorably closer, I need joy and laughter. I'm scared to death, to be honest. I'm scared I won't be able to be an engaged mom, an attentive wife, or a good friend. I'm upset that I am losing my summer to doctor appointments and chemo treatments. I'm bummed that my school year will start and I'll be exhausted, not refreshed and relaxed. (But at least I'll have cute hats to wear!) I dreamed last night that I was on a train hurtling toward disaster. I didn't need any dream interpretation to understand that one! I am absolutely confident in God's provision, His care for me and my family, and that He has this all under control. He is already there. But that doesn't mean that I am not human and don't experience human emotions. I really just want Thursday to come so I can finally actually know how all this will affect me. I'm getting a little tired of hearing, "This might happen, but everyone responds differently." I want to know how I will respond so I can deal with it. The waiting is the hardest. Once it comes, then I can move forward. The uncertainty is driving me a little crazy.
So- I needed to escape with a movie today. It was great. It was fun to surprise Luke and Shiloh with something spontaneous and fun. And I'm still laughing. And it helped me remember that I will still be me. I might be a tired, bald, sore, and sometimes grumpy me, but I'll still be me. Laughing at stupid jokes, talking in silly voices with my family, and doing fun things that create memories. Though some of those fun things might be sitting around watching movies together rather than hiking and biking. That's ok. It's a season, and we can all get through seasons. And the Lord will be with me, with my family, every step.
The cool thing about this program is that major cosmetic companies donate product for free. So I now have Christian Dior lipstick, Estee Lauder cleanser, and a whole host of other really nice cosmetics. They had great tips for how to look at least mostly normal while going through chemo. It was also great to connect with some other women in different stages of their journeys. I met a woman who had also decided to go just with hats and scarves instead of a wig. I think more and more that this was the right decision for me. Especially since I just ordered a ton of ADORABLE hats. :)
This morning we went to chemo education. A lot of it I knew already from my own reading and talking with other cancer survivors. The appointment started (as all of them will) with a blood draw, so it was the first time my powerport was accessed. I am SO thankful for it. It's a little tiny stick and they can get everything they need for blood draws, and administer chemo easily. It was definitely a good decision. I'm sure I'll be even more thankful on Thursday when we start treatments.
The nurse practitioner we met with today was great. She went over all the info again and answered a lot of questions. We also got a tour of the chemo room. It is very nice. And there are snacks. :) I'll be getting 2 anti-nausea drugs before each chemo treatment even starts, another to take for 3 days after, and three more to take as needed, so hopefully the nausea won't be too bad. And hopefully I'll be able to snack on their pistachios, almonds, and grape juice. :)
After chemo ed, we went over to school so I could chat with Jeff about next year and so Darrin could paint Wendy's classroom ( a beautiful periwinkle color). I had never worried at all about my job, but I was further reassured when Jeff started our meeting by saying, "Before we talk about anything, I want you to know that we will do whatever we need to to take care of you." Good thing I was out of tears for the morning!! It is so amazing to have the privilege to work with people who are so wonderful. We came up with a couple good contingency plans. We will each pursue different parts of those plans to make sure everything is in place for the fall. Unless something completely unforeseen (to me, not God) happens, I will be teaching full time in the fall. Except for chemo days, of course. All treatment should be done by the end of the semester. I will be doing the junior high plays and a high school play in the fall. I actually think that will be easier than trying to teach 3 content classes. I'm also sure I'll get plenty of help.
This afternoon I decided I wanted to see Muppets: Most Wanted. I love movies. Movies are a huge part of my life. I love to watch them, I love to analyze them, I love to talk about them, I love to help make them. I used to have a huge collection of movies, but we sold a lot of them when we got married, thinking we could watch whatever we wanted on Netflix. Of course, that isn't true, so I've been missing several of my movies that I really want to show the boys. It was so fun to go see a movie in the theater. (it's at Collins Road). And, oh, my goodness, is it funny! I just loved it. It is so much better than the last Muppet movie that came out a couple years ago. The music is great, the jokes come a mile a minute, and the cameos are pretty amazing. It's also completely clean. I probably laughed harder than anyone else in the theater.
I needed that, though. As Thursday draws inexorably closer, I need joy and laughter. I'm scared to death, to be honest. I'm scared I won't be able to be an engaged mom, an attentive wife, or a good friend. I'm upset that I am losing my summer to doctor appointments and chemo treatments. I'm bummed that my school year will start and I'll be exhausted, not refreshed and relaxed. (But at least I'll have cute hats to wear!) I dreamed last night that I was on a train hurtling toward disaster. I didn't need any dream interpretation to understand that one! I am absolutely confident in God's provision, His care for me and my family, and that He has this all under control. He is already there. But that doesn't mean that I am not human and don't experience human emotions. I really just want Thursday to come so I can finally actually know how all this will affect me. I'm getting a little tired of hearing, "This might happen, but everyone responds differently." I want to know how I will respond so I can deal with it. The waiting is the hardest. Once it comes, then I can move forward. The uncertainty is driving me a little crazy.
So- I needed to escape with a movie today. It was great. It was fun to surprise Luke and Shiloh with something spontaneous and fun. And I'm still laughing. And it helped me remember that I will still be me. I might be a tired, bald, sore, and sometimes grumpy me, but I'll still be me. Laughing at stupid jokes, talking in silly voices with my family, and doing fun things that create memories. Though some of those fun things might be sitting around watching movies together rather than hiking and biking. That's ok. It's a season, and we can all get through seasons. And the Lord will be with me, with my family, every step.
Sunday, June 15, 2014
Father's Day
Happy Father's Day to any dads who are reading this! As I was lying awake this morning, I was thinking about four incredible dads I know. The first is my husband, father of our children. He was an amazing single dad, and is an even better one now that he has a partner. He spends individual time with all our boys, recognizing each of their strengths and interests. He is thoughtful in his parenting and always seeks the Lord's wisdom. Our boys are so blessed to have such a great dad who models the love of our heavenly Father.
My brother, Rob, is another great example of fatherhood. He regularly works multiple jobs to provide for his wife, Jenny, and three kids. He is a model of hard work, and also of how to pursue dreams. For years he has wanted to write a novel, and he finally did it! He has published one book and is working on the sequel, all while working hard and raising his family.
The third dad is my father-in-law, Carl. Carl is one of the gentlest, kindest men I know. He is also good for a rough and tumble wrestling match on the living room floor with his grandkids. He taught Darrin so much. Because of Carl's expertise, we don't have to spend money on car repairs or oil changes. He is really handy with repairs of all kinds. He is completely devoted to his family, immediate and extended. He must have called at least 3 times the day of my big surgery to make sure I was doing OK. He is another great example of a godly man who leads his family well.
The fourth, of course, is my own dad, Bob. I saved him for last because I hardly know where to start. He is one of the most generous men I know, both financially and with his time, talents and expertise. I had the privilege of working with him in business before I became a teacher. He is so smart, so innovative, and easily earned the respect of the people who worked for him. It was an honor to get to see him in that light, not as a dad, but as a businessman who glorified the Lord in all his decisions and treated his employees with honor and dignity. He is also a man who loves to have fun, ride roller coasters (well, maybe not that one so much anymore!), camp and fish, travel, eat wonderful food, and learn something new at every opportunity. He is a fierce defender of his family and will do anything for my mom, my brother, me, and our families. Honestly, I think this cancer diagnosis is harder on him than on my mom. (not that it is easy for her!) Dads and daughters have a special bond. I am so very thankful for my dad. The Lord blessed me with a father who models Christ's love, and gave me an excellent template to hold up to all potential suitors. No wonder Darrin is so great- he had to meet a really high standard!
So- to all the wonderful dads in my life- HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!! Thanks for being such great examples to me and my family. I love you all!
My brother, Rob, is another great example of fatherhood. He regularly works multiple jobs to provide for his wife, Jenny, and three kids. He is a model of hard work, and also of how to pursue dreams. For years he has wanted to write a novel, and he finally did it! He has published one book and is working on the sequel, all while working hard and raising his family.
The third dad is my father-in-law, Carl. Carl is one of the gentlest, kindest men I know. He is also good for a rough and tumble wrestling match on the living room floor with his grandkids. He taught Darrin so much. Because of Carl's expertise, we don't have to spend money on car repairs or oil changes. He is really handy with repairs of all kinds. He is completely devoted to his family, immediate and extended. He must have called at least 3 times the day of my big surgery to make sure I was doing OK. He is another great example of a godly man who leads his family well.
The fourth, of course, is my own dad, Bob. I saved him for last because I hardly know where to start. He is one of the most generous men I know, both financially and with his time, talents and expertise. I had the privilege of working with him in business before I became a teacher. He is so smart, so innovative, and easily earned the respect of the people who worked for him. It was an honor to get to see him in that light, not as a dad, but as a businessman who glorified the Lord in all his decisions and treated his employees with honor and dignity. He is also a man who loves to have fun, ride roller coasters (well, maybe not that one so much anymore!), camp and fish, travel, eat wonderful food, and learn something new at every opportunity. He is a fierce defender of his family and will do anything for my mom, my brother, me, and our families. Honestly, I think this cancer diagnosis is harder on him than on my mom. (not that it is easy for her!) Dads and daughters have a special bond. I am so very thankful for my dad. The Lord blessed me with a father who models Christ's love, and gave me an excellent template to hold up to all potential suitors. No wonder Darrin is so great- he had to meet a really high standard!
So- to all the wonderful dads in my life- HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!! Thanks for being such great examples to me and my family. I love you all!
Saturday, June 14, 2014
A quick note
Tonight we get to spoil Luke a little since both Andy and Shiloh are gone. We saw Andy off to Puerto Rico this morning at 5:45. Shiloh is at the ARC for a respite weekend. We'll pick him up tomorrow. It's fun to just have Luke. We've been eating pizza and popcorn and watching movies.
Today I got a big dose of encouragement from some friends. It was much needed and much appreciated. I haven't slept much the past few days- a combination of pain from surgeries and a brain that won't shut down. I felt pretty wretched this morning, but it got better through the morning. I did need a 2 hour nap when I got home today, though. The pain from the lumpectomy is now down to just annoying. The pain from the port is best described as a bad muscle ache. It's getting better, too, but slowly. It was nice to hang out with people this morning and be able to forget about it all for awhile.
All my appointments are set up for my hair for next week. I got a huge surprise a couple days ago when Amy called me from Turkey to say she had set up an appointment with a photographer for me!! It amazes me how the blessings keep pouring in from all over the world. :)
We're moving in to the last few days before chemo. I want to make the absolute most of them, so I'd appreciate prayers for feeling good and less pain. I'm finding it necessary to tap into all the courage I can find right now.
Well, the cinnamon rolls are started and we have a movie to finish with Luke. Thanks for all your love and support!! Go TEAM ROBIN!
Today I got a big dose of encouragement from some friends. It was much needed and much appreciated. I haven't slept much the past few days- a combination of pain from surgeries and a brain that won't shut down. I felt pretty wretched this morning, but it got better through the morning. I did need a 2 hour nap when I got home today, though. The pain from the lumpectomy is now down to just annoying. The pain from the port is best described as a bad muscle ache. It's getting better, too, but slowly. It was nice to hang out with people this morning and be able to forget about it all for awhile.
All my appointments are set up for my hair for next week. I got a huge surprise a couple days ago when Amy called me from Turkey to say she had set up an appointment with a photographer for me!! It amazes me how the blessings keep pouring in from all over the world. :)
We're moving in to the last few days before chemo. I want to make the absolute most of them, so I'd appreciate prayers for feeling good and less pain. I'm finding it necessary to tap into all the courage I can find right now.
Well, the cinnamon rolls are started and we have a movie to finish with Luke. Thanks for all your love and support!! Go TEAM ROBIN!
Friday, June 13, 2014
Feeling like Frankenstein's Monster
Yesterday's powerport implantation went ok. It took two sticks for the IV, which reiterated why I was getting the port. I felt pretty wretched for awhile yesterday early evening, so Andy stepped up and made a fantastic supper of from scratch chicken tortellini soup and homemade biscuits while Darrin held my hand and told me stories.
I feel like I'm starting to look like Frankenstein's monster (Because Frankenstein was the name of the doctor/inventor, not the monster). I have scars everywhere. I suppose as long as I don't end up with bolts in my neck I'll be ok. Darrin and I love watching the show Bones. It is about a team of scientists who identify badly decomposed remains and solve murders. I always figure I'd be easy to identify- screws and pins in both feet, a prosthetic stapes in my left ear, scars everywhere. It's comforting to know I wouldn't remain a Jane Doe for long! :)
I did get signed up for the Monday night Look good, Feel better program at Hall-Perrine. It will be nice to have some tips for feeling/looking normal during all this. Also, my first hat came from TLC! It's super cute. A very amazing, wonderful friend also sent me a gift certificate to buy more hats, so I had fun picking some out to order last night.
As chemo looms closer, I keep getting more frantic about getting things done before I feel awful. The surgery yesterday has slowed me down, so I was feeling a bit frustrated this morning. Then I remembered that the world will not stop turning if I don't have whatever project done. It is much more important for me to spend good time with Andy today, since he leaves tomorrow for a week in Puerto Rico. When he comes back, I'll have started treatment already. I want to focus this weekend and early next week on doing fun things with the kids and with Darrin. I want to take advantage of the energy I do have, rather than dreading the energy I won't have. So- here's to a few days of adventures!!
I feel like I'm starting to look like Frankenstein's monster (Because Frankenstein was the name of the doctor/inventor, not the monster). I have scars everywhere. I suppose as long as I don't end up with bolts in my neck I'll be ok. Darrin and I love watching the show Bones. It is about a team of scientists who identify badly decomposed remains and solve murders. I always figure I'd be easy to identify- screws and pins in both feet, a prosthetic stapes in my left ear, scars everywhere. It's comforting to know I wouldn't remain a Jane Doe for long! :)
I did get signed up for the Monday night Look good, Feel better program at Hall-Perrine. It will be nice to have some tips for feeling/looking normal during all this. Also, my first hat came from TLC! It's super cute. A very amazing, wonderful friend also sent me a gift certificate to buy more hats, so I had fun picking some out to order last night.
As chemo looms closer, I keep getting more frantic about getting things done before I feel awful. The surgery yesterday has slowed me down, so I was feeling a bit frustrated this morning. Then I remembered that the world will not stop turning if I don't have whatever project done. It is much more important for me to spend good time with Andy today, since he leaves tomorrow for a week in Puerto Rico. When he comes back, I'll have started treatment already. I want to focus this weekend and early next week on doing fun things with the kids and with Darrin. I want to take advantage of the energy I do have, rather than dreading the energy I won't have. So- here's to a few days of adventures!!
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Names
In Biblical times, everyone had a name that meant something. For example, Naomi (pleasant) told all her friends in Bethlehem to start calling her Mara (bitter) after she lost her husband and sons. And, of course, God changed people's names all the time. Abram to Abraham, Sarai to Sarah, Jacob to Israel. Names are important. They remind us who we are.
Robin means fame or bright, shining. Renee, my middle name, means reborn or born again. I'm not so big on the fame part, but I love the idea of being born again to shine. I'm thinking about this a lot because I've just read two fiction books that deal heavily with the idea of names and how important they are to identity. The first was The Warden and the Wolf King, book 4 of the Wingfeather Saga written by Andrew Peterson. Yes, our Andrew Peterson who has performed at Cedar Valley and wrote a song for Jody Van Hove. It is a fabulous series. The other I just listened to today with my family on our trip to Sioux City. It's A Wind in the Door, by Madeleine L'Engle. Both books emphasize the importance of being named. That our identity comes through our name. That we must never forget our names.
That got me thinking of a couple of things. First, the song "Hello, my name is" by Matthew West. The chorus goes,
Robin means fame or bright, shining. Renee, my middle name, means reborn or born again. I'm not so big on the fame part, but I love the idea of being born again to shine. I'm thinking about this a lot because I've just read two fiction books that deal heavily with the idea of names and how important they are to identity. The first was The Warden and the Wolf King, book 4 of the Wingfeather Saga written by Andrew Peterson. Yes, our Andrew Peterson who has performed at Cedar Valley and wrote a song for Jody Van Hove. It is a fabulous series. The other I just listened to today with my family on our trip to Sioux City. It's A Wind in the Door, by Madeleine L'Engle. Both books emphasize the importance of being named. That our identity comes through our name. That we must never forget our names.
That got me thinking of a couple of things. First, the song "Hello, my name is" by Matthew West. The chorus goes,
"Hello, my name is child of the one true King
I've been saved, I've been changed, and I have been set free
"Amazing Grace" is the song I sing
Hello, my name is child of the one true King
The 7th Graders sang this at the final concert this year. It's a great song and so true. But even more than that, I've been thinking about the names of God. I looked up "names of God" online, and here's what I got:
(From www.spiritual blessings.org)
This is an amalgam of names of God and names of Jesus, and I know it doesn't cover all of them. But it's a nice start. At the bottom of this post is names of God from the Old Testament. (I couldn't get it to copy right here, so it's at the bottom.) It's from jimmypringle.wordpress.com.
Anyway- It is amazing to think of all the attributes of God and of Jesus as seen through his various names. It is also interesting to think how our names define us. I don't think my parents were thinking about the meaning of my name when I was born. They just needed something that would go with Bob, Bobbi, and Rob. ;) But I am going to claim the meaning of my name: Born again to shine. Not to shine for myself, but to shine for Him. To let every part of my life be a light shining the way to Jesus.
I think I'll name my cancer. I like the name Agatha. I looked up the meaning. It means "good." I'll take that. She is definitely opening up amazing, good opportunities in my life. And anything that draws me closer to the Lord is definitely good. So, Agatha it is.
Now- it's time for a snack since I won't be able to eat tomorrow until after I get my powerport. :)
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
Back under the knife
Today I met with Team Nowell. Dr. Kerri Nowell did my lumpectomy and I had a post-op with her. Then she sent in her husband, Dr. Andy Nowell. He'll be inserting my 'powerport' on Thursday morning at St. Luke's. I love the sound of that- it's like I'll get superpowers!! Actually- it kind of is. The port will be subdermal and will be the vehicle for chemo treatments. The chemo people will just stick a needle in the port, rather than searching for a vein for an IV 16 different times. I'm not terribly excited about surgery again, but I am very excited about not having IV's for awhile.
I'd appreciate your prayers Thursday morning. There are some rare but very serious complications that could arise, most notably a collapsed lung if he happens to turn the needle the wrong way. I'd prefer to keep my lungs in their non-collapsed state. ;) And, of course, they have to put in an IV to do the surgery.
The surgery is at 9 am at St. Luke's Surgicare. They have to do some X-rays after they place the port, and they can't do that at the Surgery Center. We have to be there at 7:30. The whole thing takes about an hour, so I should be home around lunchtime.
On an more fun note, we went over to The American Cancer Society yesterday afternoon. We walked in and were greeted warmly. I said I had been recently diagnosed with cancer, and one of the ladies immediately said, "What size t-shirt do you want?" :) We laughed and laughed. We think the t-shirts should say, "I was diagnosed with cancer and all I got was this t-shirt!" ;) Anyway, after the t-shirt (from the Relay for Life event), they pulled out 3 large tubs full of hats and scarves knitted/sewed by volunteers. Mostly retirees who knit all winter in Texas and Arizona. We had a great time trying different hats. I took 4 hats and 3 scarves. They are all pretty cute. Not as cute as the TLC hats online, but they'll be a great addition. I get to go next Monday night to their Look Good Feel Better program. Major cosmetic companies donate products for cancer survivors and they will go over skin care during treatment. It should be pretty fun. I've been out of makeup for awhile, so it will be nice to have some again.
When we got home, I modeled all the hats for the boys. The first two Andy kind of shrugged at. The third one he says, "I like that one better. It doesn't make you look like a cancer patient." I said, "I AM a cancer patient!!" We had a good laugh. I'm really trying to make this whole thing as not scary as possible, both for the boys and for me, too. It's nice to find things to laugh about.
Over the last few days, people have just been pouring blessings out on us. Thank you all so much. Friends have been stopping by, I am still getting cards everyday, and a few people have even brought gifts. This is so humbling. Thank you for being Jesus to me and my family. It is so wonderful for all of us to see the body of Christ working in this tangible way. I am truly blessed by every one of you.
We appreciate your continued prayers. The next few days might be hard. We are out of town on a little day trip all day Wednesday, Thursday I have surgery, and Andy leaves for Puerto Rico at 5:45 in the morning on Saturday. Pray for time to complete all his preparations. Thank you!! GO TEAM ROBIN!!
I'd appreciate your prayers Thursday morning. There are some rare but very serious complications that could arise, most notably a collapsed lung if he happens to turn the needle the wrong way. I'd prefer to keep my lungs in their non-collapsed state. ;) And, of course, they have to put in an IV to do the surgery.
The surgery is at 9 am at St. Luke's Surgicare. They have to do some X-rays after they place the port, and they can't do that at the Surgery Center. We have to be there at 7:30. The whole thing takes about an hour, so I should be home around lunchtime.
On an more fun note, we went over to The American Cancer Society yesterday afternoon. We walked in and were greeted warmly. I said I had been recently diagnosed with cancer, and one of the ladies immediately said, "What size t-shirt do you want?" :) We laughed and laughed. We think the t-shirts should say, "I was diagnosed with cancer and all I got was this t-shirt!" ;) Anyway, after the t-shirt (from the Relay for Life event), they pulled out 3 large tubs full of hats and scarves knitted/sewed by volunteers. Mostly retirees who knit all winter in Texas and Arizona. We had a great time trying different hats. I took 4 hats and 3 scarves. They are all pretty cute. Not as cute as the TLC hats online, but they'll be a great addition. I get to go next Monday night to their Look Good Feel Better program. Major cosmetic companies donate products for cancer survivors and they will go over skin care during treatment. It should be pretty fun. I've been out of makeup for awhile, so it will be nice to have some again.
When we got home, I modeled all the hats for the boys. The first two Andy kind of shrugged at. The third one he says, "I like that one better. It doesn't make you look like a cancer patient." I said, "I AM a cancer patient!!" We had a good laugh. I'm really trying to make this whole thing as not scary as possible, both for the boys and for me, too. It's nice to find things to laugh about.
Over the last few days, people have just been pouring blessings out on us. Thank you all so much. Friends have been stopping by, I am still getting cards everyday, and a few people have even brought gifts. This is so humbling. Thank you for being Jesus to me and my family. It is so wonderful for all of us to see the body of Christ working in this tangible way. I am truly blessed by every one of you.
We appreciate your continued prayers. The next few days might be hard. We are out of town on a little day trip all day Wednesday, Thursday I have surgery, and Andy leaves for Puerto Rico at 5:45 in the morning on Saturday. Pray for time to complete all his preparations. Thank you!! GO TEAM ROBIN!!
Monday, June 9, 2014
Order from Chaos
This morning we all went over to school and arranged my classroom. I've moved across the hall to the former 6th grade room. It is a bigger room and it has WINDOWS!!!!! I'm so excited.
Last week, several school kids came over and we did the big switch. We moved all Wendy Cronbaugh's stuff out of her room and next door to the 5th grade room. Then we moved all my stuff across the hall to her old room. Then the kids moved all of Adam Conn's stuff from upstairs to my old room. When we left, my new room was a huge jumble of boxes, furniture, books, cleaning supplies, and posters everywhere. It was a mess.
This morning, my family created order from the chaos in about two hours. We arranged all the furniture, unpacked the boxes and hung the posters (slightly crooked) on the walls. The room looks amazing. It is comfortable and inviting and I'm looking forward to teaching in it next year.
When we started, though, I was completely overwhelmed. I didn't know exactly where I wanted everything to go, or if things would fit where I wanted them. A few things got moved multiple times as I tried to visualize the end result and figure out how to get there. I couldn't even see everything in the room, and I definitely couldn't access very much. It was a jumbled mess and there was no order.
Slowly, we started moving one thing at a time. Gradually the room started taking shape and I could start to see the end result I was going for. A box got emptied and put in the hallway. A bookcase got moved, and moved again to be in the right order against the wall. My computer got hooked up. The posters got arranged in categories and hung. Finally, we had a beautiful room that has order and purpose.
I kind of feel that way about my life right now. It is a jumbled mess of doctor appointments, reading materials, doctor appointments, tasks that HAVE to be done (like getting Andy ready to go to Puerto Rico on Saturday), doctor appointments, uncertainty, sadness, laughter, exhaustion, doctor appointments, and rest. As I look at it, I see God take one piece and put it in place. Then I see how He is starting to move another piece. And I have complete confidence that He will continue moving the pieces until a beautiful order emerges from the chaos. He has a perfect plan for what the final product will look like. And He won't make any mistakes and put extra holes in the walls. He knows exactly what He is doing and why He is doing it. When He is finished, I am confident that there will be beauty, order, and purpose to it all. He is already there. He has been there from the beginning. And he will be there until the end, bringing order to whatever chaos we are in. Hallelujah.
Last week, several school kids came over and we did the big switch. We moved all Wendy Cronbaugh's stuff out of her room and next door to the 5th grade room. Then we moved all my stuff across the hall to her old room. Then the kids moved all of Adam Conn's stuff from upstairs to my old room. When we left, my new room was a huge jumble of boxes, furniture, books, cleaning supplies, and posters everywhere. It was a mess.
This morning, my family created order from the chaos in about two hours. We arranged all the furniture, unpacked the boxes and hung the posters (slightly crooked) on the walls. The room looks amazing. It is comfortable and inviting and I'm looking forward to teaching in it next year.
When we started, though, I was completely overwhelmed. I didn't know exactly where I wanted everything to go, or if things would fit where I wanted them. A few things got moved multiple times as I tried to visualize the end result and figure out how to get there. I couldn't even see everything in the room, and I definitely couldn't access very much. It was a jumbled mess and there was no order.
Slowly, we started moving one thing at a time. Gradually the room started taking shape and I could start to see the end result I was going for. A box got emptied and put in the hallway. A bookcase got moved, and moved again to be in the right order against the wall. My computer got hooked up. The posters got arranged in categories and hung. Finally, we had a beautiful room that has order and purpose.
I kind of feel that way about my life right now. It is a jumbled mess of doctor appointments, reading materials, doctor appointments, tasks that HAVE to be done (like getting Andy ready to go to Puerto Rico on Saturday), doctor appointments, uncertainty, sadness, laughter, exhaustion, doctor appointments, and rest. As I look at it, I see God take one piece and put it in place. Then I see how He is starting to move another piece. And I have complete confidence that He will continue moving the pieces until a beautiful order emerges from the chaos. He has a perfect plan for what the final product will look like. And He won't make any mistakes and put extra holes in the walls. He knows exactly what He is doing and why He is doing it. When He is finished, I am confident that there will be beauty, order, and purpose to it all. He is already there. He has been there from the beginning. And he will be there until the end, bringing order to whatever chaos we are in. Hallelujah.
Sunday, June 8, 2014
My husband
I've been wanting to write about my husband for several days now. I am just so overwhelmed by what an incredible man he is. I mean, I knew that before I married him, but God is showing me more and more how very blessed I am. I was trying to figure out a way to express how great he is without sounding all mushy, and now I have the perfect story to exemplify this amazing man.
Yesterday afternoon Darrin plopped down on the couch next to me with my huge breast cancer care manual. "Where should I start reading?" he asked. I showed him three chapters that are particularly pertinent right now. He put on his (adorable) reading glasses and dived right it. He continued reading that night in bed.
This morning, I was struggling a bit. I was looking forward to and dreading church all at the same time. I got a little teary, walked up to him and said, "I'm having a bit of a tough morning." He immediately dropped his shirt, enveloped me in a huge hug and said, "The book said your emotions would be all over the place. It's OK to have a tough morning."
This is the man I married. The man willing to drop anything to hug and comfort me. The man who wants desperately to understand what I am experiencing and help me however he can. The man who prays with me before doctor appointments. The man who "only almost cried once" during the Dr. appointment about chemo. The man who is arranging a photo shoot before I lose my hair. The man who is ridiculous, or serious, or loving, or understanding, at exactly the right time.
This is my husband.
Yesterday afternoon Darrin plopped down on the couch next to me with my huge breast cancer care manual. "Where should I start reading?" he asked. I showed him three chapters that are particularly pertinent right now. He put on his (adorable) reading glasses and dived right it. He continued reading that night in bed.
This morning, I was struggling a bit. I was looking forward to and dreading church all at the same time. I got a little teary, walked up to him and said, "I'm having a bit of a tough morning." He immediately dropped his shirt, enveloped me in a huge hug and said, "The book said your emotions would be all over the place. It's OK to have a tough morning."
This is the man I married. The man willing to drop anything to hug and comfort me. The man who wants desperately to understand what I am experiencing and help me however he can. The man who prays with me before doctor appointments. The man who "only almost cried once" during the Dr. appointment about chemo. The man who is arranging a photo shoot before I lose my hair. The man who is ridiculous, or serious, or loving, or understanding, at exactly the right time.
This is my husband.
Saturday, June 7, 2014
Who knew pathology reports could be such fun?? :)
Last night I sat down to read about my chemo drugs and my final pathology report. I just want to share one really wonderful little bit with you. Here we go:
"Nuclear Pleomorphism: Score 3: Vesicular nuclei, often with prominent nucleoli, exhibiting marked variation in size and shape, occasionally with very large and bizarre forms."
I laughed and laughed. "Very large and bizarre forms." Of course, we're talking large on the cellular level, but I still just envision huge, weirdo shapes from a Picasso painting. :) You can always count on me to be described as bizarre- even my cells!!
We're off to the Farmer's Market this morning. It might be the only one I get to enjoy this summer. The next one is right after chemo starts. So I'm going to eat whatever I want. :) And I'm going to look for cute head scarves.
I don't think people in Cedar Rapids always recognize how incredible our city has become in the last few years. We rose from a devastating tragedy to be better, stronger, and prettier. I don't consider cancer to be a devastating tragedy in any way, but it is fun to think how the Lord will work to make me better and stronger through it. And everyone tells me that my hair might grow back curly and really fun. That would be great! I've always envied my college roommate's hair. Sarah Denhart has the best hair of anyone I know. :)
Get out and enjoy our city today! There is the Downtown Farmer's Market, free trolleys over to NewBo and back, and this afternoon there is a big Asian Festival at the ampitheater. I hope there are dumplings!
Here's to a great Saturday.
"Nuclear Pleomorphism: Score 3: Vesicular nuclei, often with prominent nucleoli, exhibiting marked variation in size and shape, occasionally with very large and bizarre forms."
I laughed and laughed. "Very large and bizarre forms." Of course, we're talking large on the cellular level, but I still just envision huge, weirdo shapes from a Picasso painting. :) You can always count on me to be described as bizarre- even my cells!!
We're off to the Farmer's Market this morning. It might be the only one I get to enjoy this summer. The next one is right after chemo starts. So I'm going to eat whatever I want. :) And I'm going to look for cute head scarves.
I don't think people in Cedar Rapids always recognize how incredible our city has become in the last few years. We rose from a devastating tragedy to be better, stronger, and prettier. I don't consider cancer to be a devastating tragedy in any way, but it is fun to think how the Lord will work to make me better and stronger through it. And everyone tells me that my hair might grow back curly and really fun. That would be great! I've always envied my college roommate's hair. Sarah Denhart has the best hair of anyone I know. :)
Get out and enjoy our city today! There is the Downtown Farmer's Market, free trolleys over to NewBo and back, and this afternoon there is a big Asian Festival at the ampitheater. I hope there are dumplings!
Here's to a great Saturday.
Friday, June 6, 2014
Today I Got Cancer
Sorry for the lateness of this post. We took the kids to Red Robin ( our favorite!) to celebrate summer.
At 2:45 we met with Dr. Buntinas. I was looking forward to and dreading this appointment at the same time. We went over pathology first. The tumor was exactly 2 cm, which puts it right between stage one and stage two for size. It was high grade, meaning aggressive. It had micrometastisized to one of the two sentinel nodes. Because of the metastasis, it became a stage 1B or stage 2B cancer. The B indicates lymph node involvement.
I would have had to have a short round of chemo even if it weren't in the lymph nodes due to its aggressive nature. However, because it is in the nodes, I will have to do twenty (yes, you read that right!) weeks of chemo, followed by a short break and then 6 weeks of radiation. I should be finished with those treatments right at the end of the calendar year.
Here's what will happen:
Sometime in the next two weeks, I'll have a minor outpatient surgery to insert a port. This port will be under the skin, and will enable the chemo treatments to be administered much more easily and less painfully. On Tuesday the 10th, I'll see my surgeon, Dr. Kerri Nowell, for a postop visit. Then, right after that, I'll see her husband, Dr. Andrew Nowell, who will evaluate and set up a time to do the surgery to place the port.
We want that all to happen before June 19th. On the 17th, I will meet with the chemo educator who will teach us all about chemo and side effects. On the 19th, I will have my first chemo treatment. On the 20th, I will go in for a shot to boost my white blood counts so they can do a treatment every two weeks instead of every three. I am going to be in a clinical study to evaluate bone pain from those shots. I don't think I'll get any benefit, but if it helps them figure out how to make them less painful in the future, that's great.
The first round of chemo will be the nasty one. I will have a combo of two drugs once every two weeks for a total of 4 treatments and 4 shots (8 weeks). Then I will have a single drug once a week for 12 weeks. Each treatment takes between 3-4 hours.
So- today I got cancer. Now it's real. I was expecting chemo, but I was not expecting 20 weeks of it. We will have to deal with this during the school year, which will not be much fun. BUT- we have already worked the treatment schedule around so that I can go on both little trips we had planned for the summer. This is really great news.
Tonight's email is simply information. I have lots of thoughts rolling about in my brain that I'd like to share later. Thanks for your prayers and support! Don't forget to pray for Darrin, too. GO TEAM ROBIN!
At 2:45 we met with Dr. Buntinas. I was looking forward to and dreading this appointment at the same time. We went over pathology first. The tumor was exactly 2 cm, which puts it right between stage one and stage two for size. It was high grade, meaning aggressive. It had micrometastisized to one of the two sentinel nodes. Because of the metastasis, it became a stage 1B or stage 2B cancer. The B indicates lymph node involvement.
I would have had to have a short round of chemo even if it weren't in the lymph nodes due to its aggressive nature. However, because it is in the nodes, I will have to do twenty (yes, you read that right!) weeks of chemo, followed by a short break and then 6 weeks of radiation. I should be finished with those treatments right at the end of the calendar year.
Here's what will happen:
Sometime in the next two weeks, I'll have a minor outpatient surgery to insert a port. This port will be under the skin, and will enable the chemo treatments to be administered much more easily and less painfully. On Tuesday the 10th, I'll see my surgeon, Dr. Kerri Nowell, for a postop visit. Then, right after that, I'll see her husband, Dr. Andrew Nowell, who will evaluate and set up a time to do the surgery to place the port.
We want that all to happen before June 19th. On the 17th, I will meet with the chemo educator who will teach us all about chemo and side effects. On the 19th, I will have my first chemo treatment. On the 20th, I will go in for a shot to boost my white blood counts so they can do a treatment every two weeks instead of every three. I am going to be in a clinical study to evaluate bone pain from those shots. I don't think I'll get any benefit, but if it helps them figure out how to make them less painful in the future, that's great.
The first round of chemo will be the nasty one. I will have a combo of two drugs once every two weeks for a total of 4 treatments and 4 shots (8 weeks). Then I will have a single drug once a week for 12 weeks. Each treatment takes between 3-4 hours.
So- today I got cancer. Now it's real. I was expecting chemo, but I was not expecting 20 weeks of it. We will have to deal with this during the school year, which will not be much fun. BUT- we have already worked the treatment schedule around so that I can go on both little trips we had planned for the summer. This is really great news.
Tonight's email is simply information. I have lots of thoughts rolling about in my brain that I'd like to share later. Thanks for your prayers and support! Don't forget to pray for Darrin, too. GO TEAM ROBIN!
Thursday, June 5, 2014
The gang's all here!
The boys came home this morning!!! I was very excited to see them. They love what we did in the Lego Lounge. It's really nice to have us all together again. We're officially kicking off summer break tomorrow with a trip to Red Robin for supper. :)
Today I got a few more appointments set up. I see the genetics counselor, Shana, tomorrow morning. Then I see Dr. Buntinas (oncologist) at 2:45. Next week, I see Dr. Nowell (surgeon) on Tuesday morning. I'll see the radiation oncologist on Thursday morning over at Hall Perrine Cancer Center. My speech kids filmed part of their movie "Solace" there. It's a really nice facility. I remember talking to Jeff Cash as he showed us around- joking that we hoped we'd never have to be there again. Ah, the irony. :)
After Dr. Nowell clears me for activity, I'll have appointments with the dietitian and the exercise guy. Pilates, here I come!
Joel DeSousa stopped by to chat today. We were so thrilled. Please feel free to drop in and say hi anytime! We're right on "C" Ave. We'll be home a lot this summer, so chances are you'll find at least one of us around.
I continue to get wonderful cards and notes of encouragement in the mail. Thank you so much. Each one is so precious and means a lot. I'm starting a file. If you know Debbie Lord, ask her about her 3rd grade sense of humor! ;)
Tomorrow the blog will hopefully be full of information about a treatment plan. Until then- GO TEAM ROBIN!!
Today I got a few more appointments set up. I see the genetics counselor, Shana, tomorrow morning. Then I see Dr. Buntinas (oncologist) at 2:45. Next week, I see Dr. Nowell (surgeon) on Tuesday morning. I'll see the radiation oncologist on Thursday morning over at Hall Perrine Cancer Center. My speech kids filmed part of their movie "Solace" there. It's a really nice facility. I remember talking to Jeff Cash as he showed us around- joking that we hoped we'd never have to be there again. Ah, the irony. :)
After Dr. Nowell clears me for activity, I'll have appointments with the dietitian and the exercise guy. Pilates, here I come!
Joel DeSousa stopped by to chat today. We were so thrilled. Please feel free to drop in and say hi anytime! We're right on "C" Ave. We'll be home a lot this summer, so chances are you'll find at least one of us around.
I continue to get wonderful cards and notes of encouragement in the mail. Thank you so much. Each one is so precious and means a lot. I'm starting a file. If you know Debbie Lord, ask her about her 3rd grade sense of humor! ;)
Tomorrow the blog will hopefully be full of information about a treatment plan. Until then- GO TEAM ROBIN!!
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
Answers, sort of. ;)
I just got off the phone with my surgeon's nurse. "Finally, some news!", I thought when the phone rang and I recognized their number. (Kind of funny that I recognize my doctor's number!) However, even though I have some news, I don't have any answers. Here we go:
The surgery itself was fully successful. Dr. Nowell was pleased with the margins around the tumor. This is great news. However, they did find micrometastisis in one of the two lymph nodes she took. Side note- spell check just wanted me to change the spelling of micrometastisis to micrometerorites. We would have a much bigger problem if I had micrometerorites in my lymph nodes! :) Anyway- I still have no idea what all this means. I see my oncologist, Dr. Buntinas on Friday afternoon. When I looked up micrometastisis a few minutes ago, cancer.org says that chemo is usually recommended. But we'll see on Friday.
I am still reeling from how fast all of this has taken place, and I'm so thankful for that speed. If it was already starting to metastisize, then it is really good that it was removed so quickly.
Darrin and I were talking this morning about how right now it just seems like another surgery. On Friday, I think it will finally become cancer. I'm not really looking forward to that. But I am looking forward to what God is going to do with it.
Thanks for your continued prayers and support!! We really appreciate all of you more than you know!
The surgery itself was fully successful. Dr. Nowell was pleased with the margins around the tumor. This is great news. However, they did find micrometastisis in one of the two lymph nodes she took. Side note- spell check just wanted me to change the spelling of micrometastisis to micrometerorites. We would have a much bigger problem if I had micrometerorites in my lymph nodes! :) Anyway- I still have no idea what all this means. I see my oncologist, Dr. Buntinas on Friday afternoon. When I looked up micrometastisis a few minutes ago, cancer.org says that chemo is usually recommended. But we'll see on Friday.
I am still reeling from how fast all of this has taken place, and I'm so thankful for that speed. If it was already starting to metastisize, then it is really good that it was removed so quickly.
Darrin and I were talking this morning about how right now it just seems like another surgery. On Friday, I think it will finally become cancer. I'm not really looking forward to that. But I am looking forward to what God is going to do with it.
Thanks for your continued prayers and support!! We really appreciate all of you more than you know!
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
Girls' Night Out
First, just to get it out of the way, I'm still waiting to hear from pathology. Hopefully tomorrow will be the day. ;)
A little over a year ago, my dear friend Sarah Lillis and I had coffee together and she told me about this great idea she had to start a girls' night out ministry at Cedar Valley. The purpose would solely be to get women from the church together a couple times a month just to hang out. No Bible study, no prayer time- just hanging out getting to know each other. The main idea was that the deeper things will come, but not until you build relationships and get to know each other. I thought it was a great idea. Then I remembered that I am an introvert. :)
I went to the first couple of gatherings, but then was exhausted by play rehearsals and speech practices and three teenage boys. There were a few months I didn't make either of the nights out. But then, a couple months ago, I got excited about it again. I made it a point to be there, even if I was tired. I firmly believe that God prompted Sarah to start GNO to provide me with a support system for dealing with breast cancer. Now, I'm not so arrogant as to believe that was the ONLY purpose, but I'm pretty sure it was one of them. I know there are a whole host of women from Cedar Valley who are praying for me, ready to support me in any way. GNO helped build those relationships and provide support I would not have had as readily without it.
So, in just a couple of hours, the first GNO of the summer will be in my backyard. Darrin and I just spent the last while cleaning up the patio, hanging lights, putting the candles in place, and spraying for bugs. I'm exhausted, (the prednisone only let me sleep about 4 hours last night), I'm uncomfortable (it's still not helping the allergic reaction AT ALL!! ), but I'm so excited to see my girlfriends, eat snacks with them, and talk about whatever comes up. If you are in Cedar Rapids and read this before 7pm, come on over! Even if you don't go to Cedar Valley. I'd love to see any of you.
Isn't it amazing how our God anticipates our every need and provides for it long before we know we need it? He is already there, planning and preparing and taking care of us every step of the way. To that I say, Wow. Now I'd better get ready to make lemonade and popcorn!
A little over a year ago, my dear friend Sarah Lillis and I had coffee together and she told me about this great idea she had to start a girls' night out ministry at Cedar Valley. The purpose would solely be to get women from the church together a couple times a month just to hang out. No Bible study, no prayer time- just hanging out getting to know each other. The main idea was that the deeper things will come, but not until you build relationships and get to know each other. I thought it was a great idea. Then I remembered that I am an introvert. :)
I went to the first couple of gatherings, but then was exhausted by play rehearsals and speech practices and three teenage boys. There were a few months I didn't make either of the nights out. But then, a couple months ago, I got excited about it again. I made it a point to be there, even if I was tired. I firmly believe that God prompted Sarah to start GNO to provide me with a support system for dealing with breast cancer. Now, I'm not so arrogant as to believe that was the ONLY purpose, but I'm pretty sure it was one of them. I know there are a whole host of women from Cedar Valley who are praying for me, ready to support me in any way. GNO helped build those relationships and provide support I would not have had as readily without it.
So, in just a couple of hours, the first GNO of the summer will be in my backyard. Darrin and I just spent the last while cleaning up the patio, hanging lights, putting the candles in place, and spraying for bugs. I'm exhausted, (the prednisone only let me sleep about 4 hours last night), I'm uncomfortable (it's still not helping the allergic reaction AT ALL!! ), but I'm so excited to see my girlfriends, eat snacks with them, and talk about whatever comes up. If you are in Cedar Rapids and read this before 7pm, come on over! Even if you don't go to Cedar Valley. I'd love to see any of you.
Isn't it amazing how our God anticipates our every need and provides for it long before we know we need it? He is already there, planning and preparing and taking care of us every step of the way. To that I say, Wow. Now I'd better get ready to make lemonade and popcorn!
Monday, June 2, 2014
Dumplings and doctors and deep thoughts (not in that order)
I called my dr. back today and got a steroid burst pack to try to get this allergic reaction under control. After one dose, I'm ready to run around the block and I am shaking like a leaf. It's actually a bit of a challenge to type. :) I only have to take the pills for six days, so hopefully I'll avoid the worst of the side effects of steroids.
I also heard from my gastroenterologist today. I've been seeing Dr. Silber since I was 18. He's an incredible guy and a great doctor. He was super concerned about my diagnosis, so he's changing up my meds a little and asked me to have some tests run. I'll go over to the lab tomorrow to do that. I'm guessing he wants to stay ahead of my colitis as much as possible. It is exacerbated by stress, and I guess you could call this a stressful life event. :) I am so very thankful to live here in Cedar Rapids where we have exemplary medical care. It is care that is combined with midwestern kindness. Several of my docs have been nationally recognized for their skill, and they treat their patients with great care and concern- spending the time we need, rather than just sticking to a fast schedule. That is a huge blessing.
Darrin and I decided to go to the library today and check out our favorite dumpling cookbook. Then we came home and made over 100 dumplings! We cooked and ate some and then put the rest in the freezer to cook later. It was a lot of fun, though it was tiring. But with this predisone energy, I could probably make 100 more!! It is wonderful to have a husband who loves to cook as much as I do. Someday we'll be little old round people who just make and eat dumplings all day. Maybe we'll open a food truck. "Look- here come the dumpling people!!" I can see it now!
Well, pathology results should be in tomorrow or Wednesday. I see my oncologist, Dr. Buntinas, on Friday to create our battle plan. I'm looking forward to figuring out what we're going to do. Everything is on hold right now, and it will be nice to have a plan and be able to move forward. Go, Team Robin!
I also heard from my gastroenterologist today. I've been seeing Dr. Silber since I was 18. He's an incredible guy and a great doctor. He was super concerned about my diagnosis, so he's changing up my meds a little and asked me to have some tests run. I'll go over to the lab tomorrow to do that. I'm guessing he wants to stay ahead of my colitis as much as possible. It is exacerbated by stress, and I guess you could call this a stressful life event. :) I am so very thankful to live here in Cedar Rapids where we have exemplary medical care. It is care that is combined with midwestern kindness. Several of my docs have been nationally recognized for their skill, and they treat their patients with great care and concern- spending the time we need, rather than just sticking to a fast schedule. That is a huge blessing.
Darrin and I decided to go to the library today and check out our favorite dumpling cookbook. Then we came home and made over 100 dumplings! We cooked and ate some and then put the rest in the freezer to cook later. It was a lot of fun, though it was tiring. But with this predisone energy, I could probably make 100 more!! It is wonderful to have a husband who loves to cook as much as I do. Someday we'll be little old round people who just make and eat dumplings all day. Maybe we'll open a food truck. "Look- here come the dumpling people!!" I can see it now!
Well, pathology results should be in tomorrow or Wednesday. I see my oncologist, Dr. Buntinas, on Friday to create our battle plan. I'm looking forward to figuring out what we're going to do. Everything is on hold right now, and it will be nice to have a plan and be able to move forward. Go, Team Robin!
Sunday, June 1, 2014
A minor setback
Well, it was nice while it lasted! I had to call my surgeon last night to get some advice. Apparently I am allergic to the prep they used to sterilize the skin before surgery. I've been popping Benedryl like crazy, but it isn't helping. It is making me sleepy, so we slept until 10:30 this morning. In the morning I'll call again and get a prescription for some steroids to knock it out. This happened with my foot surgery in December, too. But then I thought it was a reaction to the adhesive in the bandages. It might be a combination of the two. At least now I know to tell everyone that I'm allergic to chlorohexadrine. :)
On another note, we had a great time redecorating the boys' Lego Lounge today. We bought amazingly cheap poster frames at Michael's and hung a couple posters, put up the counter top we bought at the ReStore and cleaned it up quite a bit. It should be a great surprise for them!! It was slightly frustrating that it took me a really long time, though. Usually this is a project we could knock out in an hour or so. This time there had to be a 2 hour nap between starting and finishing. That's ok, though- Sunday afternoons are great for naps!
On another note, we had a great time redecorating the boys' Lego Lounge today. We bought amazingly cheap poster frames at Michael's and hung a couple posters, put up the counter top we bought at the ReStore and cleaned it up quite a bit. It should be a great surprise for them!! It was slightly frustrating that it took me a really long time, though. Usually this is a project we could knock out in an hour or so. This time there had to be a 2 hour nap between starting and finishing. That's ok, though- Sunday afternoons are great for naps!
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