Make up, more info, my job, and movies

Last night I got to go to a program sponsored by the American Cancer Society called "Look Good, Feel Better."  It was a 2 hour program on hair, nail, and skin care during and after chemo.  Chemotherapy attacks rapidly dividing cells in a patient's body.  Cancer cells divide rapidly, but so do hair, nail, skin, and mouth cells.  That's why most everyone who has chemo has side effects in one, some, or all of these areas.

The cool thing about this program is that major cosmetic companies donate product for free.  So I now have Christian Dior lipstick, Estee Lauder cleanser, and a whole host of other really nice cosmetics.  They had great tips for how to look at least mostly normal while going through chemo.  It was also great to connect with some other women in different stages of their journeys.  I met a woman who had also decided to go just with hats and scarves instead of a wig.  I think more and more that this was the right decision for me.  Especially since I just ordered a ton of ADORABLE hats. :)

This morning we went to chemo education.  A lot of it I knew already from my own reading and talking with other cancer survivors. The appointment started (as all of them will) with a blood draw, so it was the first time my powerport was accessed.  I am SO thankful for it.  It's a little tiny stick and they can get everything they need for blood draws, and administer chemo easily.  It was definitely a good decision.  I'm sure I'll be even more thankful on Thursday when we start treatments.

The nurse practitioner we met with today was great.  She went over all the info again and answered a lot of questions.  We also got a tour of the chemo room.  It is very nice.  And there are snacks. :)  I'll be getting 2 anti-nausea drugs before each chemo treatment even starts, another to take for 3 days after, and three more to take as needed, so hopefully the nausea won't be too bad.  And hopefully I'll be able to snack on their pistachios, almonds, and grape juice. :)

After chemo ed, we went over to school so I could chat with Jeff about next year and so Darrin could paint Wendy's classroom ( a beautiful periwinkle color).  I had never worried at all about my job, but I was further reassured when Jeff started our meeting by saying, "Before we talk about anything, I want you to know that we will do whatever we need to to take care of you."  Good thing I was out of tears for the morning!! It is so amazing to have the privilege to work with people who are so wonderful.  We came up with a couple good contingency plans.  We will each pursue different parts of those plans to make sure everything is in place for the fall.  Unless something completely unforeseen (to me, not God) happens, I will be teaching full time in the fall.  Except for chemo days, of course.  All treatment should be done by the end of the semester.  I will be doing the junior high plays and a high school play in the fall.  I actually think that will be easier than trying to teach 3 content classes.  I'm also sure I'll get plenty of help.

This afternoon I decided I wanted to see Muppets: Most Wanted.  I love movies.  Movies are a huge part of my life.  I love to watch them, I love to analyze them, I love to talk about them,  I love to help make them.  I used to have a huge collection of movies, but we sold a lot of them when we got married, thinking we could watch whatever we wanted on Netflix.  Of course, that isn't true, so I've been missing several of my movies that I really want to show the boys.  It was so fun to go see a movie in the theater.  (it's at Collins Road).  And, oh, my goodness, is it funny!  I just loved it.  It is so much better than the last Muppet movie that came out a couple years ago.  The music is great, the jokes come a mile a minute, and the cameos are pretty amazing.  It's also completely clean.  I probably laughed harder than anyone else in the theater.

 I needed that, though.  As Thursday draws inexorably closer, I need joy and laughter.  I'm scared to death, to be honest.  I'm scared I won't be able to be an engaged mom, an attentive wife, or a good friend. I'm upset that I am losing my summer to doctor appointments and chemo treatments.  I'm bummed that my school year will start and I'll be exhausted, not refreshed and relaxed. (But at least I'll have cute hats to wear!)  I dreamed last night that I was on a train hurtling toward disaster.  I didn't need any dream interpretation to understand that one! I am absolutely confident in God's provision, His care for me and my family, and that He has this all under control.  He is already there.  But that doesn't mean that I am not human and don't experience human emotions.  I really just want Thursday to come so I can finally actually know how all this will affect me.  I'm getting a little tired of hearing, "This might happen, but everyone responds differently."  I want to know how I will respond so I can deal with it.  The waiting is the hardest.  Once it comes, then I can move forward.  The uncertainty is driving me a little crazy.

So- I needed to escape with a movie today.  It was great.  It was fun to surprise Luke and Shiloh with something spontaneous and fun.  And I'm still laughing.  And it helped me remember that I will still be me.  I might be a tired, bald, sore, and sometimes grumpy me, but I'll still be me.  Laughing at stupid jokes, talking in silly voices with my family, and doing fun things that create memories.  Though some of those fun things might be sitting around watching movies together rather than hiking and biking.  That's ok.  It's a season, and we can all get through seasons.  And the Lord will be with me, with my family, every step.